ChicagoPolexican.com

Death Forgiving the Sins of the Living

2009-07-09T17:47:00.001-05:00

Excuse me while I get on my high-horse for a moment...

Over the few weeks, we have witnessed multiple celebrity deaths. However, the two that are covered the most in the social spotlight have been Michael Jackson and Steve McNair, and for obvious reasons. One was possibly the world's greatest entertainer, and the other was a heck of an athlete that was murdered in cold blood. Two very media-friendly individuals, two monster stories to be covered.

However, it seems to me that society has chosen to overlook critical aspects of these two mens' lives that not only are socially unacceptable, but are also aspects that directly influenced each death.

The most obvious case is that of Michael Jackson and how his child molestation accusations became the reoccurring theme for every news story related to him for the past 20 years. We all know what he was accused of, we all had our opinions on the case. Needless to say, the man had major issues and was an incredibly disturbed soul, drug addict (albeit not by choice)... and possibly a criminal. Upon his death, however, all of that was forgotten and the world decided to focus only on the good in his life (which is definitely the way any of us would like to be remembered). But does this excuse everything else that happened these last 20 years?

In a related theme surrounding his death, Steve McNair was a highly-respected NFL Pro Bowl quarterback that brought joy to thousands of sports fans for many years. Yet, regardless of his successes on the field, we now learn that he was unfaithful to his wife (spanning several years) and was even killed by the drug-infested woman at the center of his affair. Turn on ESPN and what do you hear about? You hear about all of the fans coming to mourn his death, completely sweeping his infidelity under the rug.

Let me declare that I understand nobody is perfect. But at what point did a person's wrongs in life become forgiven upon his or her death? Do we remember the good things that Hitler did (if even possible, I don't know)? Will OJ Simpson be remembered for his Heisman trophy and not his murder trial once he dies... in prison, no less?

Update on The Mickelson Family

2009-07-06T17:32:00.003-05:00

OK, now I feel like I can never make fun of Phil Mickelson ever again.

As I wrote in my previous blog regarding the recent breast cancer diagnosis for Phil's wife, Amy, I explained that I am selfishly hoping for her condition to improve so that I can go back to hating the villain of my golf world. However, after today's announcement, I pretty much have lost that privilege forever.

Mary Mickelson - Phil's mother - has now also been diagnosed with this horrible disease.

I really haven't the words to describe how this must make Lefty feel, so I will simply state that I cannot possibly have any additional ill-words towards the man and probably never will again.

My thoughts are certainly with the man and his family.

Where Have All the Celebs Gone?

2009-06-30T20:24:00.002-05:00

It's been a bad month to be famous, my friends. So, please stop reading this blog or you might kill me. You know... because I'll be famous... whatever.

Anyway, let's recap here: Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Ed McMahon, and Billy Mays have all died within the last few weeks. Out of all four names, the biggest name is obviously that of the world famous white female entertainer.

So let's discuss Michael Jackosn a little bit, shall we? However, before I go any deeper into this post, let me first say that I completely understand the love for this man as a result of his immense talent and entertainment accomplishments throughout most of his 50 years on this planet. I am a fan of many of his songs and will always remember trying to learn Beat It, Billie Jean, and Smooth Criminal on the guitar. Unfortunately for MJ, there are people like me in this world that prefer to look at the reality of his life and not push a few things under the rug... like, oh I don't know, molesting children.

Ok, stop it. Stop it right now... I know that he hasn't been convicted of anything. Now the smooth criminal (zing!) went and died, so now we'll probably never know the truth about what may have occured in the bedrooms and playpens of Neverland Ranch. But here's what we do know:

1993: A lawsuit is filed against MJ accusing him of seducing and abusing thirteen-year-old Jordy Chandler.

Dec. 1993: MJ makes a TV appearance saying he is innocent of the child molestation charges.

1994: Settles lawsuit by paying the plaintiff twenty million dollars. The Los Angeles and Santa Barbara district attorneys do not file child-molestation charges against him.

(Note: Charges are not brought up why? Because Michael paid them off. Let us continue:)

Nov. 19, 2002: Dangles his newborn son, Prince Michael II, from a Berlin hotel balcony, four stories high.

Nov. 20, 2003: Taken into custody by the Santa Barbara County Sherriff's Department on charges of child molestation. He posts a three million dollar bail.

Jan. 16, 2004: Pleads not guilty to child molestation charges.

Apr. 30, 2004: Pleads not guilty after grand jury indictment.

Jan. 31, 2005: The Jackson trial begins with jury selection.

Feb. 28, 2005: Prosecution opens its case with accusations that Jackson used wine and pornography to seduce the 13-year-old boy. The defense counters that no DNA from the accuser has been found in Jackson's bedroom.

(Note: At this point, critics to those accusing MJ start to bring up the possibility of this new 13-year old being told to "play along" with parents who are simply looking for a pay day.)

Mar. 10, 2005: Jackson fails to appear in court and the judge threatens to issue an arrest for him. Jackson's lawyer tracks him down at a hospital where he has been admitted for back problems. The judge gives him one hour to appear. He does, and the trial continues.

May 12. 2005: Actor Macaulay Culkin (who also eventually stars in Party Monster) testifies and says Jackson never touched him sexually in any way, and that yes, he did sleep in Jackson's bed, but that was only because he happened to fall asleep there.

June 13, 2005: The jury finds Jackson not guilty.

Just in case anyone forgot. Kind of a dick move, I know it. But you know what? This stuff happened people. Jackson was a seriously disturbed individual that, if he were alive for a few more years, would have eventually been accused of numerous additional molestation accounts. Ten years between charges? He was only 6 years away from more fun in the courtroom.

NYC Ain't Got Squat on Me

2009-06-21T08:32:00.004-05:00

For anyone that is a golf fan, you have seen it on your television constantly this week. For anyone that is a baseball fan, you hear about A-Rod and David Wright on a nightly basis. For anyone who is a football fan, you just can't get enough of Eli Manning. Basketball fans kind of like to forget they are alive... but regardless Knicks fans; you still live in New York.

I get it. I understand that you New Yorkers love your state. I understand that you take great pride in your state's athletic achievements on the grandest stages. And yes, I understand that you traditionally are known for your tough-as-nails, vulgar, rude people in the streets.

But seriously... when will enough be enough? When are we finally going to get sick of hearing about the "greatness" of New York? Since when does being an asshole come off as being a good thing? Is it possible that the media and American society is completely overlooking the greatness of other states due to the cloud of New York ass-kissing?

Take Montana, for example.

Ah yes, Montana! 147,046 square miles of pure God's country! Fishing, hunting, skiing basically anywhere you go. But let us not forget the athletic greatness of this forgotten state in all areas of sport.

For example, were you aware that Dave McNally once graced the ballfields of Billings, MT? He was a 4-time 20-game winner as a pitcher for the Baltimore Orioles and even tied a record of 17 consecutive wins in the AL between 1968-1969. Yeah.... that Dave McNally.

Also, Montana State University's men's rodeo team has won the national championship a staggering six times (1972, '75, '88, '90, '91, '95). The last time you saw a Cowboy in New York, he was wearing football cleats. Or was probably gay.

Speaking of the Cowboys, lest we forget Helena's own Pat Donovan, a four-time Pro Bowl offensive lineman for Cowboys from 1975 to '83. This guy was one of the most famous football players in the NFL for a decade! When was the last time we saw his name mentioned on E60?

Finally, and perhaps the most recent famous Montana native, we have Ryan Leaf.

Alright... so he was just busted on drug charges in Texas... BUT THAT'S IN TEXAS. While in drug-free Great Falls, Montana all Mr. Leaf did was lead C.M. Russell High to the 1992 state title. Later on, he took Washington State to the '97 Rose Bowl and was eventually the second pick overall by Chargers in '98.

So here's to you, oft-forgotten Montana, and all of your athletic greatness. You may be a box on the map of America, but you will forever hold a special place in my heart.

Phil Mickelson is a Tricky Son of a Bitch

2009-06-18T18:53:00.002-05:00

For those of you that know me, you would agree that golf is an intricate part of my life and everything that I hold dear to my heart. I take this sport more serious than any of the other "major" sports seen on television, and therefore have my "favorite players", just as you may have your favorite quarterback or pitcher. In addition, I also have a few players that I completely hate for no reason other than the fact that they play the game poorly.

However, my golf-loving world has just been turned upside-down. Why? Because my favorite golfer to hate, Phil Mickelson, just threw me a curve ball.

You see... Phil Mickelson is probably one of the most hated professional golfers on the PGA Tour among his fellow competitors. While he has always been a fan favorite because of his nonsensical wedge shots around trees and off of cart paths, he has gone on record as being completely unprofessional, rude, and abrasive to other players on tour and especially the media. He is a man that will forever live in Tiger Woods' shadow despite honestly believing the he, Fat Phil, is the better player. Sure, he has had some success as the World #2, but there isn't a tournament on the calendar that Phil can't find a way to lose due to an errant driver. His caddie, Bones, is constantly on suicide watch as his percentage of Phil's winnings gets lower... and lower... and lower with each bounce of the ball down a ravine.

But now I can't hate Phil Mickelson. And you can't either.

Why? Because Phil's wife, Amy, was just diagnosed with breast cancer... and now I feel sorry for the guy and his family.

Don't get me wrong: I truly have nothing against Phil. But I am sure Yankee fans have nothing against Red Sox Nation, and I am sure Michigan Wolverines and Ohio State Buckeyes can peacefully co-exist at the dinner table. That's not the point.

The point, friends, is that I am missing a very critical and important aspect of my PGA Tour fandom now due to this medical tragedy. I feel as if my entire enjoyment of watching golf is now empty because the villain in this story has been deleted. I don't want to look at Phil Mickelson and hope that he wins the US Open. I don't want to get teary-eyed when he talks about how much he loves his wife. I don't want any of that.

I want Amy Mickelson to beat this cancer, become 100% healthy and allow her husband to get back on the course making stupid decisions while I sip beer and eat popcorn.

So hear this, Phil and Amy: you go and beat that disease, and you beat it good. The golfing world is behind you, because we need Man-Boobs back on the course for good.

Let's Try This Again...

2009-06-18T10:03:00.002-05:00

I haven't entirely been hiding under a rock, as many people already know, since I have been maintaining my new blog, HealthFrag.com, on a pretty regular basis. However, ChicagoPolexican has been very much deprived of any attention since April. I was ok with this, actually, and wasn't really looking to go back into this account for any reason... especially after reading some of the trash I wrote about in the past. How did anyone enjoy that snuff?

At any rate, She Who Must Be Obeyed has been giving me a hard time to start writing again on this blog since HealthFrag is "about boring health stuff". Thanks for the support, Negative Nancy.

So, my plan is this: I'll keep this blog open, but I won't write very often in it so I can pay more attention to HealthFrag. However, I will admit that there are some topics that I would like to cover and not necessarily in a "professional" writing style (i.e., I want to cuss). The number of people that will be allowed to view this blog are going to be approved by me, and they will need to provide me their email address.

I'll try to maintain a weekly post here, and there won't be a theme or a niche in which the topics will fall under.

So, that means you readers can give me ideas to write about. I will certainly take requests.

Facebook and Twitter and Blogspot... Oh My!

2009-04-13T22:17:00.002-05:00

I've become addicted to all three of these Internet social networks now, and there is no escape.

Facebook will forever be my biggest guilty pleasure, especially since I told everyone that I would never fall into the trap after MySpace failed me. And you know what? I'm a fan of the new Facebook layout, so all of you Facebookers hesitant to except change can go straight to hell. What would this country be without constant change? You're all communists.

A close send to Facebook, for me at least, is the newest Internet social craze: Twitter. In essence, Twitter has absolutely no value other than wasting time... which is exactly why I love it so much. Sure, some will say that people will benefit from knowing where everyone is at one time, but in reality, if you are not busy enough to stay focused on whomever you are with at a particular time and instead update your Twitter status, then you don't deserve friends. Heck... let's call a spade a spade: I look up famous people and porn stars on Twitter. Did you expect anything different?

Blogging has always had a special place in my Internet heart, and will always be there when I need to get a few things off my chest. But with the advent of new social networking sites and technology throughout the web, only time will tell when blogging becomes obsolete.

Job Fair

2009-04-07T20:50:00.003-05:00

I was asked by my current employer, a private college in town, to attend a Career Fair not far from the campus that was being held at a local high school. My mission: try to talk a few people into going back to school and maybe take a resume or two for open positions at our campus.

With our current state of the economy constantly in the news and on the internet, I was not suprised to see that there were quite a few local businesses looking for help despite current layoffs and other threats to employment.

What I was not ready for, however, was the number of people with college degrees that would be waiting in line to talk to these businesses... many of which were only offering $9.00 an hour jobs. The line of job hopefuls who had just been laid off from careers in retail, banking, advertising, and real estate stretched more than 200 people long. Many of these people were wearing business clothing that cost more than what the business presenters were wearing.

I spoke with quite a few people today regarding their career experiences and where they came from before this unfortunate situation... and very few were looking to go back to school. I spoke with people that were laid off from a job they worked at for 20 years, and even others that were stopping at every booth to submit a resume, regardless of the type of job being offered.

I know what is going on in my world, and I am very much aware of the implications of this current economic situation. However, today was the first time that I realized exactly how lucky I really am to be in the position I am in.

Education and the Community

2009-03-30T19:47:00.002-05:00

I'm pretty much convinced that people will continue to fear change even in the midst of great change. For example, our economy has been in a downward spiral for the better half of a year now, and thousands of people have lost their jobs as a result. One would think that this would be the best time for someone to go back to school and want to get into a recession-proof career (especially if you are coming from a trade that is being phased out in the world, like the tool and dye industry). However, despite all that is going on around them, people will still hesistate to take that first step towards not only a better career, but a better life.

I know, I know. I sound like a salesman at work complaining to coworkers in the breakroom. But this is really something that I have noticed about any situation that requires change... and I am also guilty of this hesitation. I hate change, no matter what said change is and even if it is benefitting me. But I also hate being broke, and I hate not knowing if I will have a job when I come to work in the morning.

Most of these people have already lost their job and have nothing more to turn to. These people have no additional source of income no additional skills to use in an alternative career. These people are about to lose homes, cars, and families because of their current economic status... yet they refuse to change anything.

I will never understand this, and I try as hard as possible to not let this show in my appointments with prospective students... but get off your ass people and do something with your life.

Buying Your Degree!

2009-03-09T21:01:00.002-05:00

I recently started a new job at a local private college where my main job duty is to help enroll new students on a daily basis (otherwise known as an "admissions representative"). Over the past month I have had the ins and outs of the position and the college drilled into my brain along with the best manner in which to "sell" the college to those on the outside. One thing that I have also noticed, however, is the fact that the school I am attending for my own education is garbage.

Well, perhaps not "garbage", persay. I mean, I am still learning a little bit about my chosen degree (Master's in Health Administration), but other than just some normal, basic information... well, I don't really feel like I know any more about the healthcare field or running a clinic/facility than I did when I first started the program.

This is obviously very concerning, especially when considering the money I am paying this nationally well-known online university for what will eventually be the "key to a new career". The irony of this whole situation is that I have just started a new job at a completely different college which also offers online classes. But, I digress.

Paying an educational institution is a wonderful way to not only better your life, but also the lives of your family and potential children (if that is the route you choose to take). However, feeling like you are actually getting something out of the program and... I dunno, LEARNING SOMETHING... might actually be beneficial when trying to get hired in the career that requires an advanced degree.

Unfortunately for me, I am about two classes away from completing my degree while having very little to show for my efforts (that is, other than the obvious gigantic student loan payments I will be paying later on). I never thought that this would be a decision that I would regret in the future.

A Scene with Person B

2009-02-23T20:05:00.004-06:00

Scene: A Chinese resturaunt.

Me: Man, I'm really hungry. I can't wait to get some Hunan beef and egg rolls in my stomach. You ever eaten at a place like this dude?

Person B: AW HELL NAW MAN I AIN'T NEVER SEEN DIS PLACE LIKE DIS PLACE.

Me: Really? Well you're in for a good meal...

Person B: MAN WUT KINDA STUFF DEY GOTS HERE YO?

Me: Well, um, like I said they have some beef over there, some chicken over there, friend ri...

Person B: AWW HELLS NAW I GOTS TA BE TRIPPIN I AIN'T EVER SEEN NO SHICKEN LIKE DAT BEFO. HEY DOO, YOU SEE DAT LAKER GAME LAS NIGHT??? MAN THIS RICE BETTA BE AS GOOD AS YOU SAY IT IS, SHOO.

Me: Wha.. Laker game?... No I didn't have the chance to catch...

Person B: OOOOOooooooOOOOOOO!!! DEY GOTA ALL SORTSA SHICKEN ALL UP IN DIS. HEY YO DOO, WHY DEY BE EATEN ALL WIF THOSE STICKS AND STUFF MAN I CAN'T WAIT TO GIT BACK TO THE CRIB AND LAY WIT A WUHMAN AGAIN MAN CUZ YOU KNOW I'M A MAN AND GOTTA HOLD SOMETHIN NEXT TO ME AT NIGHT... HEY DOO, WHERE YOU BE SITTIN AT?

Me: Jesus... what, what did you say....

Person B: AWW NUTHIN MAN I JUS TRIPPIN *TISSSS TISSS TISSSS*

Working with Insecurities

2009-02-17T18:24:00.002-06:00

My coworker has been struggling slightly in training, and despite my attempts to assist in any way I can, things simply seem to be getting a little worse.

He is a very nice young man, and I know that he wants to succeed in this new position, however I can't help but wonder how this guy was hired in the first place. He has already admitted to having a speech impediment when he was younger, and I can tell that he is still required to focus on what he is saying, slow his speech down, and slowly blurt out whatever it is he is trying to say. This could spell trouble for a sales position.

Granted, I am not the one who is accountable for hiring anyone. I probably don't see what others may have seen in this young man during the hiring process, and I certainly admit that my opinion is just that: one man's opinion.

However, in a training session that is essentially a classroom atmosphere, we are required to answer questions asked of us in order to demonstrate that we have a thorough understanding of the material. Whenever this young man is questioned, he immediately becomes very confused and jumps from topic to topic in a matter that I have never seen before.

Can he just be nervous? Probably. Unfortunately, this trend continues whenever he and I are simply having a conversation. For example, when I asked him a simple question about how his meal was at dinner tonight, his reply covered everything from his meal to basketball. It was truely amazing to see this type of advanced ADD happening right before me, and certainly a little sad.

I do wish the very best for this new coworker of mine, and I will continue to help him in any way he needs with the job... but I see this as being a difficult position for him.

Neckties and Jesus

2009-02-15T23:09:00.003-06:00

I have recently started a new job at a local college since my last company decided it would be best to take everything away from their employees and see what happens. While I feel much more comfortable early-on with this new position, I have to admit that I am rather nervous about a new daily activity I am forced to deal with because of this new opportunity: matching neckties with dress shirts.

I have never been required to wear neckties for a job before, and while I am all about looking nice for the customer (or in this case, prospective students), I am beginning to realize the difficulty of mixing and matching multi-colored ties with the dress shirts I currently own. The woman in my life has done a very good job of assisting me with this process, and has even gone so far as purchasing new combinations for me to rely on each day. However, I don't think this is the only assistance I will need.

The men at my new company are professionals of this mixing and matching trade, and have even mastered the art of matching multi-design ties with striped shirts. To me, a man still stuck in the solid-color shirts and simple-pattern tie box, this is essentially the equivalent of comparing high school algebra to college honors calculous.

To make matters a little more disappointing, a new co-worker of mine is already skilled in this talent of matching neck ornaments to dress shirts and has gone above and beyond my level of expertise instantly. While he and I are in training this week in Lake Elmo, MN, I have also learned that he is the best friend of Jesus. Literally. I mean... this guy was the first person the apostles called after the crucifixion and said, "You ain't gonna believe this shit...".

Nevertheless, this new coworker... while slightly crazy... is a homeboy of J.C. and a professional in business attire combinations. Am I to blame my father for not teaching me the ways of the necktie? He was a factory worker most of his life and has just recently gotten a position that requires him to also wear business attire on a daily basis. And he's 50. I can only imagine his state of panic each morning attempting to form the perfect knot in the tie he is placing around his forehead. And you know why he's confused? Not because his father was a railroad worker, but because he has Polish in him.

And for that fact, I blame my grandmother.

You Housewives Have it Rough

2009-01-28T22:03:00.002-06:00

Due to my recent knee surgery, I have been condemned to my couch at home for the last two and a half weeks slowly going a little bit nuttier day after day. Granted, I've only been mobile for about a full week now and am finally able to do everyday chores like actually going to the bathroom in the toilet and putting on deodorant. While these are small victories in what has become a larger battle called "recovery", I have been unable to find an activity to keep me busy for the entire day. I hope my XBox doesn't read this entry, because she would be very upset.

There ae always more detailed and difficult chores that need to be done around the house, like cleaning the kitchen, scrubbing the toilet, and doing the laundry... but this isn't a concentration camp for crying out loud.

Needless to say, these forms of cruel and unusual punishment are anything but the norm for a working-class citizen like myself. Unfortunately, there are thousands of very educated women who choose to stay home each day and complete these horrible tasks for the betterment of the household. Regardless of age, these poor souls willingly take on the task of cleaning out litterboxes, doing the dishes, dusting the furniture, and spraying Windex on the bathroom mirrors. This type of work was supposed to be outlawed by human right activists and the United Nations, right? Just ask NIKE.

As my time in this world of the true blue-collar workers nears an end and I return to the safe haven that is white-collar Americana in a few days, I cannot help but take a moment to reflect on these past few weeks with a tear in my eye.

Here's to you, American Housewife, for being a beacon of hope for households across this great country of ours without asking for anything in return.

I Am Abused

2009-01-26T21:32:00.002-06:00

The other night I decided to host a small gathering of friends for the purpose of playing poker, drinking beer, and possibly a little slap-ass. That's it. I really just wanted to play some cards, lose some money, and then go to bed.

However, one of the friends in attendance decided to open his mouth and ask when the last time I posted on this blog. The fact is, I really didn't know. Well, I did know that it had been awhile... but I didn't know it was almost a full year. But that's not the problem. The problem is that my fiance was in the room to hear it.

She is probably the biggest supporter I have when it comes to my writing, and I have begun to believe that she may actually enjoy reading it. With the exception of my recent attempt to get back into writing by starting a short story saved somewhere in My Documents on the hard drive of our computer, I haven't really had the desire to write anything. However, she has continued her persuasive comments and idle threats with the goal of getting me back into writing ANYTHING.

But this has just gone to a new level. You see, I am currently typing this blog entry on a laptop that she stole from her employer while she sits next to me on the couch after spending a long day at home and not going in to work. Could that be considered theft as well? What a delinquent.

Anyway, I also just recently had knee surgery, and in my obvisouly weakened state and admist the necessary updates on all vital signs just to make sure I am still breathing, the con artist sitting next to me has the gall to pull out my life-support monitoring system and demand that I begin writing again. This is an all-time new low for her; even lower than when she forced me to buy her a very expensive ring, eat cat food, and book a horribly expensive hall and NO CHURCH for our wedding. Can I not uphold my right of keeping the Holy Spirit in my household? I'm engaged to a druid.

Regardless, I will admit that I miss updating this blog on with any sort of regularity, so I will promise to do so more often.

Anonymously Well-Known

2008-01-29T22:59:00.000-06:00

I'm not exactly sure if anyone reads this blog other than me anymore, but for the sake of humoring myself I will assume that at least one other person will come across these words sooner or later.

It has come to my attention recently that famous people pretty much screw everything up that they are involved in. This obviously gives the general public more reason to pay attention to them (especially me), but this certianly is not what these "stars" originally wanted; at least not for these reasons.

Heather Ledger just died because of some reason that nobody can figure out at the age of... 28 maybe?... however many people are tying his death to his recent role as The Joker in the newest Batman installment. According to these conspiracy theorists, Leder dove so far into the sadistic character that he eventually became a chronic insomniac and was regulated to Ambien before too long. Doctors are now saying that he may have died from natural causes as opposed to the normal celebrity death of "drug overdose", but I remain skeptical. My point, however, is that if Ledger was killed by becoming a movie character, then can this be viewed as a form of suicide? Furthermore, who the hell would drive themself to the point of death just to complete a damn movie that I am sure won't break any box-office records anytime soon?

While always being an odd religion and secret society that many people have tried to sweep uinder the rug, Scientology was pretty much out of the mainstream for... well, as long as it has been around. There has always been a large following of this fucked-up religion, but it appeared to have more of a cult following rather than a household name (and I imagine the founders of the religion liked it that way).

Enter Tom Cruise and his ventrilaquist dummy of a spouse, Mrs. Tom Cruise (what was her name again?). Not only has Scientology become a staple in the media over the past year or so, but now everyone fucking HATES it. Cruise is on YouTube preaching his various beliefs and ridiculous acronyms for the world to see, John Travolta is... well, he was always kind of weird anyway, and now there are even rumors of Will Smith being tied to the cult.

Is there an unwritten rule in Hollywood that if you are famous, you immediately catch some kind of reverse-Midas Touch and turn everything you come near into shit?

In response to this newfound attention of topics like Scientology, public opinion also begins to rear its' ugly head... and usually in the form of a retaliation.

Enter "Anonymous".

I'll let you Polexican Faithful out there watch the above video instead of explaining exactly what "Anonymous" is, but apparently there is something monumental planned for February 10th. Stay tuned.

Yeah Yeah Yeah...

2007-11-20T21:46:00.000-06:00

I get the irony of my previous post eluding to my "long hiatus", only to follow with another post a few months down the line. I just haven't had the desire to really write much of anything anymore, but it certainly is not because I haven't been inspired to do so. There are probably a ton of topics I could comment on right now, but none really seem to be winning out in the "Hey! Write about me!" category.

I did start a new job back in July, however (not sure if I already mentioned that or not in a previous post, and I am simply too lazy to check), and I love every second of it. People are fun, good drinkers, and extremely interesting to say the least.

Still in Naperville. Still with the same girl. Still own the same apeshit-crazy cat.

Ooooh! I own a new car! Isn't the most exciting vehicle in the world, but the fucker starts up each time I turn the ignition though.

But yeah, nothing else really going on. Have to admit, though, that it is certianly nice to write a little again. Maybe I will venture back into Helium sooner or later....

Coming Soon to a TV Near You...

2007-07-12T17:29:00.001-05:00

First and foremost, many apologies for the long hiatus between posts. I really need to try and keep up with this a little more frequently (we're not even going to mention the Barista), but can promise everyone that there have been some good reasons for my abscence. But, I'm not one for excuses, so away we go with the topic:

I'm not exactly sure what this woman is trying to make us believe, but Amy Jacobson may very well be the dumbest "smart person" I have ever seen. Well, ok... I've never actually "seen" her in person. However I did "see" her in a bathing suit on television the other day peeking her lovely... eyes out of Lisa Stebic's home in Plainfield, IL. Yeah... that Lisa Stebic.

For those of us who don't already know, Stebic has been MIA since last April and continues to be a rather large news story in the 'burbs of Chicago. Was she kidnapped? Was she killed? Did she skip town? These are the questions that have been left unanswered for the past few months as there has been little to no leads or helpful information to her whereabouts. Obviously the husband in this story is a suspect (as of 7-11-07), but I think everyone saw that coming.

Enter Amy Jacobson.

Mrs. Jacobson (notice I say "Mrs." because she is married) is a former (and I say "former" because she was fired) news anchor of NBC 5 Chicago who was assigned to the Stebic case when the story first broke. Apparently, Mrs. Jacobson eventually befriended Stebic's sister in the process which lead to her eventual invitation to what appeared to be a pool party at Stebic's home a few days ago. During a routine follow-up on the story by CBS 2 Chicago, Jacobson was spotted on camera at this pool party with her children in tow. The tape of this can be seen on the Chicago Tribune website.

Obviously there are some assumptions that can be derived from this new development. A major assumption is, of course, whether or not Jacobson and Mr. Stebic have any romantic ties (which Jacobson has repeatedly denied on numerous occasions). Whatever the case may be, Jacobson had no reason being in that home, nor should she be in that home for any reason other than covering the story until the case is closed or Lisa is found.

Jacobson has since stated that she was invited to the home to "discuss the case" with Stebic's sister. Apparently he needed to go for a dip in the pool with her children in order to do so.

Anyway, I am calling it right now... so mark your calendars.

There will be a mini-series of this whole story weeks after the case is closed, and will probably be ran on CBS. Hopefully starring a naked Cameron Diaz, but I won't hold my breath.

Fly TB Man, Fly!

2007-06-01T07:38:00.001-05:00

Much scrutiny has revolved around the story of Andrew Speaker as of late as it pertains to his unfortunate medical diagnosis. The Atlanta native was recently diagnosed with a form of tuberculosis that is extremely resistent to any and all forms of treatment (the actual name of the disease escapes me, so let's just refer to it as "Your Ass is Dead" tuberculosis), prompting medical professionals to isolate Mr. Speaker in a medical quarenteen. What even makes this story more scary is the fact that this guy's father-in-law works as a freakin' microbiologist for the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention, and even HE has no idea how to treat it.

While I am deeply sympathetic to Speaker's current medical situation, the aspect of this story that I cannot seem to understand revolves around Speaker's recent wedding overseas.

Acting against his doctor's orders, Speaker decided to travel to Europe a few days ago in order to get married to his long-time fiance and have a honeymoon immediately after. As a result, the government has now produced a list of airline passengers that may have come in contact with Speaker and are now considered to be "at-risk" for contracting the disease.

So, in other words, this guy was not allowed to travel FAR FAR FAR AWAY from the US because of his medical condition.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? LET HIM GO!! Have a GREAT time in Europe, Mr. Deathtrap. Don't forget to send us a postcard while you are there, living the last few months of your life in marital bliss WAY WAY FAR AWAY from me!

Cicada Invasion 2007

2007-05-22T07:42:00.000-05:00

When it rains, it fucking pours.

Not only have I been battling a hellacious cold for the past few days, but I also have to do it in the midst of Mother Nature's most disgusting past-time: the 17 year reunion of the Midwestern cicadas.

While these little buggers usually wouldn't bother me, the very thought of MILLIONS UPON MILLIONS of them flying around really makes my stomach turn. I can remember back in 1990 when these fuckers came out of the ground (which, in its own right, is an extremely creepy way to come back to the surface) and wreaked havoc on young trees and smaller insects everywhere. Seventeen years later I decide to move to a condo across the street from a forest preserve and now work in an office surrounded by 20 acres of trees.

Anyone that knows me can testify that I am a huge fan of horror films. However, if everything that the experts say is true, we are all in for one hell of an invasion.

Curt, Curt, Curt....

2007-05-10T09:27:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure what is worse: 1) Publicly speaking out against another player in your "fraternity" about his presumed illegal activity before you are completely cleared of the same assumption; or 2) Keeping your name in the news by means other than your performance on the field.

Curt Schilling, possibly one of the best pitchers of our common era, has recently been involved in at least two seperate compelling news stories over the past few weeks. On one hand we have a "conspiracy theory" regarding the blood on his famous sock from the World Series of three years ago (is it blood or is it paint? Who cares?), and now we have Narc Schilling preaching his opinion about Barry Bonds' evident steroid use. The latter offense here is probably the most interesting when taking into account the fact that Schilling was brought before Congress to defend himself against the exact same allegation... and chose to dance around the issue as opposed to voicing his opinion when it counted.

To make matters worse, Schilling then retracts his statements about Bonds and offers a public apology (via his blog, 38pitches.com):

"The only perfect human to walk the face of the earth died a few thousand years ago, that much I know. I am far from perfect and make more than my share of mistakes, which is something I have no problem with because that’s part of being human. However when my mistakes adversely affect other peoples lives, that’s a big deal. It was a callous, wreckless and irresponsible thing to say, and for that I apologize to Barry, Barry’s family, Barry’s friends and the Giants organization, my teammates and the Red Sox organization as well as anyone else that may have been offended by the comments I made."

Something tells me that Barry's family and friends couldn't give a shit less about what a white pitcher from Boston has to say regarding his personal business. Instead, Curt, this appears to be more of a "cover-my-ass-so-I-can-save-any-fans-I-still-have" publicity move by an aging pitcher on a team that no longer needs you.

Another Reason Why I am a Terrible Person

2007-04-27T09:21:00.000-05:00

By the time you read this post, I am sure many of you will already be aware of the historic anti-gravity flight that astrophysicist Stephen Hawking experienced on Thursday, April 26th. As a precursor to what the scientist hopes will be an eventual journey into space, Hawking and a team of NASA medical professionals boarded the flight provided by Zero Gravity Co. early in the day. The high-tech jet then performed a series of parabola flight patterns which is necessary to create the "weightless" atmosphere within the vehicle's cabin. Diagnosed with ALS, or more commonly known as Lou Gehrig's disease, Hawking became the first American with a disability to experience a "zero gravity" atmosphere. The Associated Press was able to provide a photo of the scientist's weightless experience:

Why am I a terrible person and probably going to hell?

When I saw this photo, all I could think of was Hawking doing the Running Man.

Guess What? Tiger Woods is Black!

2007-04-03T18:08:00.000-05:00

Every day when I come home from work I follow the same routine: hang up my coat, change into some comfortable clothes, maybe feed the cat, and check out the news headlines on the internet. Yahoo! is one of my favorite websites to read about the less-important news of the day, and it certainly did not disappoint this time around.

The Master's begins this weekend, as it does every year around this time, and continues to be the biggest golf tournament of the year (in both popularity and overall revenue). This year's tournament marks the tenth anniversary of Tiger Woods' amazing 11-stroke victory at the Augusta, GA course, and the first time that an African-American-Leopard ever won the event. Many "experts" believed that this victory would immediately catapult the sport of golf into the African-American mainstream, prompting thousands of young black boys and girls to pick up a putter with the aim of being the next Mr. Woods.

However, as time has shown, this simply did not occur. Yahoo! reports that this is because of the overall cost of the actual sport, claiming (or I should say the schmuk they intereviewed claims) that golf is simply too expensive for the African-American community to afford. Of course I am paraphrasing here, however the premise remains the same.

Another reason golf has not caught on more with the black community that is presented in the article is that golf, and golf equipment, is not as convenient to get your hands on and "simply play in (young black childrens') backyard".

*sigh*

This is obviously complete bullshit, and here's why:

While golf is an expensive sport (with many courses exceeding $80 to play at), there are plenty of smaller, less-expensive public courses available for anyone to play at for under $15. To be fair, this very point is brought up in the Yahoo! article, however I will take this a little further (because that is my job). Very simply put... if a kid from Compton can afford to buy the newest Air Jordans (retailing at something like $175), then he or she can afford to buy a used set of golf clubs and about 6 golf balls if they really want to.

Also, with this set of used clubs and a couple of wiffle-golf balls (retailing for something like $3 at Walmart) little Tiger-Wannabe can go out in any park, field, or yard and hit the ball around for awhile until the get better at it. "Lack of opprotunity" is complete garbage. Kids have some pretty strong imaginations and creativity, and if they really wanted to learn how to golf, they could do it with a pitching wedge and a ball of electrical tape.

This, then, is the real reason why golf hasn't caught on with the black community: It isn't cool to be a golfer in tha 'hood.

In a society that looks at sports figures like Allen Iverson, Kobe Bryant, Terrell Owens, Barry Bonds, and Michael Vick as being role models, what the hell does America expect to happen when Tiger Woods comes along, swinging a big metal stick and chasing a little white ball around?

Does Tiger Woods make a basketball shoe? No. Does Tiger Woods have his own record deal? No. Does Tiger Woods wear anything that you would see on a young black male in the inner city (be honet, jerks)? Absoutely not. Does Tiger Woods sell anything that kids in the black community would like to buy? No... he sells luxury cars, luxury clothing (from Nike, ironically enough), and INSURANCE. Hell, I'm white and I don't want to hear about fucking insurance.

Obviously I am biased in my opinion. I am not black, so therefore I cannot speak on behalf of the black community. However, I am a realist and am able to observe trends in America. With that being said, my opinions rest solely on the observations I have made regarding professional sports and the tendency young African-Americans have in regards to the athletes in these sports.

Afterall, I can't turn on MTV without having it forced down my throat in advertisments and music videos... which don't include professional golfers.

Not to Be the Grammar Police, But...

2007-03-14T21:06:00.000-05:00

As I am sure that anyone who has a resume on one of the mainstream internet job-search sites knows, there are those job recruiters who randomly select resumes to firebomb with spam on occasion. Usually the recruiters have a decent vocabulary, have a sense of what it means to sell their client, and almost always keep in mind that the person they are trying to recruit can actually READ.

However, there is the rare occasion that an up-and-coming company will send out a mass email to many different resumes, and have no idea how to write a simple sentence. I recieved such an email earlier today, and thought that i would share it with all of you.

*Note: The name of the company has been omitted to help protect whatever dignity their founders have left.

Good morning.

We have read your CV\resume on MONSTER.COM, your are suitable for work in our company. So this dutes and conditions of your work:Duties: financial operations with the companys wholesale lots. You will have to collect the money that the client transfers onto your bank account (the bank is chosen according to the clients regulations), cash them and transfer to us.
Conditions: Monthly salary $3000, after a 1-month probation period you will be given a 15% salary rise and will receive your paychecks bi-weekly. Possibility of career growth. If you are interested in this job and you really want to work with us, send us confirmation that you are ready to work in our company , then we will send you contract, you should sign it and we will begin to co-operate. For more info visit our web-site. Send your resume on our e-mail. Thank you. With best regards, administration.

A Quick Note on Success

2007-03-01T23:47:00.000-06:00

Oddly enough the inspiration for this post came from one of the most unlikely sources, as I am sure anyone who knows me would agree.

After having a lovely dinner and a glass of some pretty cheap wine with Kris, we decided to throw in a movie that we borrowed from a friend of ours. Neeldess to say, this movie was somewhat of a chick-flick and the "borrowed" DVD cover had the usual "2-Day Rental" sticker on the front, as was per usual for this friend of ours.

I'm not sure how many of my readers have seen "The Devil Wears Prada", but I would venture a guess and say most of you have (based entirely on the success level this film generated in America). In which case, you were all subjected to a very odd movie in regards to the author and director's take on personal success in corporate America.

While the fashion industry differs greatly from my current line of work (at least in product), I can honestly say that I was able to relate to a few of the funnier moments of the movie, especially the scenes in which Hathaway struggled to find her niche' in the office while also remaining true to herself. And, as those of you who have seen the movie know, the main character eventually loses sight of what remaining true to one's self truely means as she fights her way up the totem poll in her company (figuratively).

While I have never had a boss that was as vile and exaggerated as Streep's interpretation of the antagonist in this film, I can see where the author of the original novel was going with the overall "moral" of this story... if there even is one.

No matter what you plan on doing as a career in your life, one must always remember to stay true to his or her self and must not compromise happiness for recognition in the workplace. Loved ones are hurt, friends are lost, and the recognition becomes bittersweet if such a compromise is made. True success lies in knowing that you have done as good a job as you could have possibly done and realizing that after 5pm, relaxtion and (in this instance) a glass of your favorite wine is waiting for you at home.

Personally, this is all very cute and makes for a good movie, but I don't buy it for a second. Obviously many sacrifices must be made in order to excel at a career that challeneges the very morals you hold dear to your heart. Afterall, if this wasn't true, then we would all be millionaire executives overnight without even having to lift a finger. Home life is definitely a priority for most people (myself included), but I think it is quite clear that in order to truely succeed in an organization... no holds can be barred.

Why American Idol is Dying

2007-02-20T21:15:00.000-06:00

Since I only really get the itch to update this haphazard blog after watching something completely ridiculous, I feel that I should first explain my position on this issue:

American Idol, over the past few years, has quickly become one of my favorite shows to watch on television. I have many reasons for watching the show including the usual suspects of watching the horrible auditions in the early rounds and being somewhat of a fourth judge of the talent that walks across the stage... however only recently have I begun to question the actual purpose of the show: the Competition.

Granted, I agree (presumably with the producers) that the current structure of the competition has been consistent and objective to this point. I would also agree that the three "judges" on the show are definitely qualified for their prominant position, even if Paula Abdul cannot hide the fact that she is either on medication, drugs, or both. However, I am beginning to question the morality of the contestants. Or, in other words, I am wondering if these "Idol Hopefuls" are legit.

I think it is pretty safe to assume that about 98% of the people that audition for American Idol are actually trying to "make it big" in the entertainment industry, either by winning the competition or by at least finishing in the Top 6 and hope to get noticed by a record producer watching at home. In addition, I believe that the show is a wonderfully convieniant way to get on television if you have even the slightest amount of talent... or an extreme lack thereof. We have seen every type of competitor on this show, ranging from the extremely talented to the rural cowboys to the obvious mistakes of smoking pot while pregnant. But, I would propose that we are finally seeing a new wave of contestants (especially over the past two seasons) that will eventually mean the end of American Idol as we know it. In short, the contestants are getting smarter.

Let me just bounce this off of you, the reader, and see if my theory sticks.

Imagine if, for whatever motive, a smartass contestant comes to Memphis, TN with the "dream of becoming the next American Idol". Little do the judges, producers, and creators know however is that this contestant is really simply trying to win the competition. This contestant does not have the dream of money or fame or anything else that goes along with becoming the "next American Idol" but instead simply wants to follow the rules already laid out if front of him (or her) and "impress the judges". Eventually with enough support from people calling in to the show, our little hero comes out on top and easily wins the competition only to shock America by refusing to take any record deals and state, "I only wanted to show that I could win".

This certainly sounds far-fetched, and I am probably exaggerating many things in this theory, however lets first discuss the "rules of engagement" for winning American Idol... at least, in my opinion.

First, you have to obviously have some notion of how to sing in order to even get noticed by the line judges during the 16 hour day. If you can't carry a simple tune (and carry it well) then my theory goes to shit. However, I believe that you need not be the next Kelly Clarkson or Taylor Hicks... you just can't be tone deaf.

Next, you go in with a set song that you KNOW will get the judges' attention (something recent, or something incredibly old for your age... like the Temptations or Nat King Cole). However, this song cannot be mainstream or a hit on the radio. It MUST be something to "show your diversity" by gong away from the norm.

Third, and most importantly, you HAVE to nail your initial audition. Afterall, and it has been proven year after year, the first time America sees you might as well be the last, because they will always remember their first impression of you when voting. Now, stay with me here, because I know this has been pretty much DUH NO SHIT ADAM to this point...

Fourth, during the Hollywood rounds where America votes, you must remember that it simply does not matter what the judges think of you. This is why your initial audition is so important. Think about it... why the HELL did Taylor Hicks beat Chris Daughtry last season? Sure, Taylor is a good singer, but he was never as good as the initial "wow factor" that he won with his opening audition. Katherine McPhee simply got by on her looks while showing flashes of talent. Taylor was lovable and people could relate to him. His grey hair thing helped him out a lot as well, so be sure to make up some weird aspect of your personality or image to make your name stick out to others voting. Hell, paint your nose pink.

Finally, no matter what, you MUST choose songs that America knows by heart in the later rounds (especially in the celebrity coaches rounds). I don't care if Barry Manilow is your coach and he wants you to sing some obscure melody he wrote on a napkin back in '65, you better DEMAND "Copa Cabana". Do exactly what he tells you to do when he "coaches" you, and exaggerate the hell out of it. Again, I firmly believe that you do not have to be Luther Vandross when giving your rendition. You simply have to sound somewhat like you know what you are doing.

I will admit that it is a stretch for me to assume that there are enough people out there who can carry a tune well enough to complete all of these rules mentioned above well enough to trick America. Then again, look at this year's contestants. More specifically, look at this guy who looks like Jack Osborne ate Sharon and all of her dogs... this guy is a decent singer. A decent singer. However (and Simon said it best) American will love him and I guarentee that he will make it to the final 12.

The fact of this rambling is exactly this: before long, and after enough seasons, someone smart enough will come along and win this competition by merely doing what is expected of them. American Idol is finally beginning to catch up to itself, and there is nothing that the producers can do about it. This is just like any video game, board game, or other competition anyone can name.

With enough research, practice, and loopholes, ANY game can be won by ANYONE. People will learn how to do it sooner or later.

Borat, again

2006-11-15T21:58:00.000-06:00

...and I'm back.

Well, it was definitely the most ridiculous movie I have ever seen, and probably one of the funniest. The two people I went with didn't think as highly of it as I did, but they are women. Borat would understand.

Anyway, they did bring up a very good point. Only someone with a sick sense of humor would find this movie "extremely funny" or "four-star worthy". Apparently, this type of people include me and everyone who works at People Magazine. Simply put, it is certianly an eye-opening experience in sick comedy that has undoubtedly set a benchmark in humor that future filmakers will be hard-pressed to surpass, or even match.

Borat

2006-11-15T19:24:00.000-06:00

At the time of this posting, I have not yet seen the generational icon that is Borat in large screen form... but am mere minutes away from remedying that. I basically know what to expect, mainly due to both Da Ali G and YouTube, but am looking forward to this nonsense nevertheless.

By the way, I apologize for not posting more often (hell, not since the summer), but I will try to make a few posts here and there with a few more of my thoughts and recent life happenings.

To be continued in about 90 mins...

Texting. Just Do It.

2006-05-07T01:51:00.000-05:00

Anyone who knows me probably also knows that I am someone who enjoys the text message. I am constantly on my cell phone texting people or talking on AIM, including the majority of the time I am at work. All in all, I think it is pretty safe to say that I have developed a pretty strong addiction to the whole idea of messaging someone instantly.

As my addiction has grown, however, I have also noticed quite a few people who disagree with my texting ways and SOMEHOW find reasons to "convince" me that the act of texting is entirely wrong. Reasons range from "being too impersonal" or "a waste of money" or "a lame excuse to not call someone".

Listen. The reason text messages were developed however many years ago by some phone company is pretty simple: you don't want to have a complete conversation with someone, but still have something to say.

Granted, when the texter goes a little crazy and sends something like, oh I dunno, 1500 text messages in a month perhaps a little internal searching must be done. I mean, shit, those messages are at least 10 cents each without a plan on your account. But even then the cost of texting someone is still cheaper than calling someone to tell them the same thing and using up your cell minutes (especially when they round up to the nearest minute). And don't bring all that "mobile to mobile" network plans BS that a few of the bigger companies offer nowadays, because frankly I think you people who get a plan with a boyfriend or girlfriend are 100 times worse than me. That's almost as bad as getting your significant other's name tattooed on your body, but I digress.

The point is this: leave me and my fast little thumbs alone! I take pride in the fact that I can type faster on my phone than I can on my keyboard, and I am not ashamed to admit it! And for crying out loud, get a clue... I'm texting you because I don't want to talk to you right then and there, so don't call me back just to reply! Seriously, what the hell?

Just a Catch-Up

2006-04-17T21:01:00.000-05:00

For the past few days, I have basically been living with a sneak preview my own personal hell-task that undoubtedly awaits in my afterlife (thank you premarital sex and masturbation). If you have ever had an involuntary muscle twitch around your eyeball, then you know exactly what I am dealing with. Now, just mulitiply what you have experienced by about 400 and you will have a better idea, seeing as though I have been dealing with CONSTANT twitching for about 8 days now. The little pink bottle of inflammatory eye drops that my eye doc has prescribed to me is basically nothing more than his housecat's semen, which is evident from my recent cravings for Meow Mix and the fact that it isn't doing a fucking thing for the spasms.

In other more interesting news, I have been undertaking two seperate projects to pass my time. I have decided to find another job around town and am still waiting to hear back from another Rehabilitation clinic in Orland park for their Office Coordinator position. Not only will this be my first salaried position (should I get the offer), but it will also be my first excuse to recieve something for Administrative Professionals Day, albeit belated.

Secondly, I have come up with the idea to host my own personal website that will feature nothing but an original storyline featured in a serial-novel context. Due to the overwhleming support of my past writings, I have decided to undertake this task to see if I can actually use some imagination and maintain a fictional story for a long duration. Hell, if nothing else I get to pass some time and cure some boredom. So, when I eventually save up enough money to get the whole website thingy hosted I will slap some HTML and original text on the page and let everyone know when the first installment is completed.

Interesting Blog To Check Out

2006-03-24T16:02:00.000-06:00

I'm not usually one to advertise anything that might not be completely true, especially when it involves famous professional athletes, but I cannot help myself with this one. For those of you who read Sports Illustrated, you may have already heard about the blog run by a group of women who just so happen to be Major League Baseball groupies. There are a few pictures on the blog, so that alone leads me to believe that at least most of what is posted on the site is relatively true. Check it out, if nothing else it is good for a couple laughs.

http://www.itsasecretsohush.blogspot.com

A Call To Arms

2006-03-14T18:08:00.000-06:00

The following is a rather sad story about a recent event concerning my sister, Jessica. However, I see the consequences of future actions in response to this becoming the larger and more depressing issue at hand:

Jessica is a student at Loyola University in Chicago, where she is majoring in secondary education. She is currently in her student teaching internship phase of the program, and is completing her assignment at a high school in Plainfield, IL. She has told me a number of times how much she enjoys her career choice, and that she cannot wait to start teaching students on her own. All in all, it has been a positive experience for her.

That is, until recently.

You see, my sister also has a job at a local resturaunt here in Joliet as a bartender. She works along side a 20 year old hostess and a 16 year old busboy who has a crush on the 20 year old hostess. He also has a 16 year old girlfriend, who in turn found about this little love triangle and decided to go to the resturaunt with a friend to "beat up the 20 year old". Unfortunately for this girlfriend, Jessica recognized her and her little friend as students in the class that she teaches at Plainfield. So, Jessica reports this activity to school and the students are disciplined.

Enter the revenge portion of the show.

These two students take it upon themselves to seek out Jessica's MySpace profile, and in doing so discover a comment in which Jessica included on her page: "I can't help but wonder if I was that dumb in high school"... or something to that effect (I am paraphrasing). The students print this page out, show it to a teacher, who in turn shows it to the Dean of the high school, who THEN shows it to the Plainfield School District.

Yesterday, my sister recieves a phone call from the District informing her of all that has happened, and that they are releasing her from the student teaching position at the school and possibly from the entire Loyola Secondary Education program. Bad fucking times. Jessica is then told that she needs to sit before a disciplanary panel for Loyola and defned herself so that she doesn't get kicked out of the fucking school.

Fast forward to today: everything is fine, Jessica gets away with a slap on the wrist (transferred to a different student teaching assignment where she will have to re-do the semester). However, it certainly seems as though the District is still winning this war.

Are you fucking kidding me? Is this really happening? Is there actually a town/society that exists that goes against every little right that an individual has in terms of expressing oneself?

Apparently so, and it exists in Plainfield, IL.

Obivously, my problems with this whole ordeal are quite evident to anyone that knows me. Bring up Freedom of Speech, indiviual rights, or ring the Complete Bullshit alarm and you are pretty dead on as to what my thoughts are. But I think there is a little something more that must be seen here, mainly because it isn't just limited to this one situation.

MySpace, or any other website that specializes in personal profiling or networking, or in any way brings one's personal life to light for everyone and anyone to look at freely is definitely walking on thin ice. In fact, blogging can be included in that statement, and believe me when I say that this is extremely sad and a true sign that our society is falling apart from the top down.

When someone is unable to freely express themselves as they deem fit and on whatever medium they choose, it is a tell-tale sign that people who run our lives are fucked in the head. If you can get fired for writing a simple statement about your job, or if you can get arrested for making a comment on a website, or if the mere fact that you have a picture of alcohol on your page while being underage and can get expelled from school because of it....

I don't know anymore. The amount of ridiculousness and conservative chaos in this country right now is downright sickening. Everyone is afraid of getting someone else angry, or they are the ones being incredibly hypocritical and taking offense to meaningless opinions and comments that were never meant to harm anyone in the first place.

This world is in trouble.

The MySpace Craze

2006-02-19T12:11:00.000-06:00

I'm fairly certain that I am about a year or so behind everyone else when it comes to this site, but "MySpace.com" has turned into an epidemic for my circle of friends.

For whatever reason, my friends and I have all decided to put up profiles on MySpace and constantly send comments to each other all day long. I have no idea why this happens, considering the fact that we all see each other in real life anyway and could just TELL each other what we had to say, but I digress.

It is rather weird, however, to go on that site and look up random people's names from your past and then actually finding their profile. Some of the people I looked up surprised me by actually proving they knew how to use a computer, let alone well enough to complete the difficulty task of posting a profile on a website.

The problem I am now noticing, however, is that friends of friends are now reading my profile and adding me. This would be fine.... if they weren't under age. I'm 23 years old. MySpace is going to get me arrested.

Ok maybe not, but I laughed when typing that so fuck off. Could you imagine actually getting arrested for using MySpace wrongly? I suppose you could post your mug shots in the "New Pics" section.

Talent VS. Opprotunity

2006-02-09T12:59:00.000-06:00

Last night, Kristen and I got into quite the interesting conversation about team sports and the players that make up a team. This was prompted from a recent volleyball practice where she coaches about 3 very talented players along with about 8 or 9 scrubs, and I believe it is safe to say that it drives her crazy. Our conversation ultimately shifted to a player's necessary talent level in order to constitute being on a college team.

Her side of the argument was, in a nut-shell, that any player who can not perform up to the standards of which his or her fellow teammates hold for them should not be on the team. In other words, if the more talented players on the team cannot rely on the less-talented players to at least perform up to their fairly expected potential, then why are they even on the team to begin with?

I agree with this statement about 98%. But let me first sum up Kristen's and my past team-sport experiences and roles on that team, and how they have differed.

Kristen is and has always been extremely athletic and what one would call "all-american" material for the various sports she has played (in fact, she was an "All-American" softball player back in her hey-day). So, she was naturally talented and therefore seen as one of the better (if not best) players on any team she has played for. I, on the other hand, may be very athletic and can play any sport well enough to be considered one of the better players... however have only had one or two teams where I can safely say I was the one of the best on the team. I certainly knew my roles on any team and was perfectly fine with not being the MVP.

With that being said, the 2% of her argument that I do not agree with lies in the fact that there are those select few colleges whom have no recruitment talent pool whatsoever and must fill spots on a team with any player who is interested. This is the case with one of the worse players on Kristen's volleyball team, who will be playing for Aurora.

These players may have only played their chosen sport for a very short time, and therefore are no where NEAR "college-level" in talent development. Does this mean, hwoever, that they do not belong on a college team? I suppose to answer that question one must take two factors into account: 1) the talent of the other players on the team; and 2) the size of the college and the opposing colleges in the division.

Yes, any bad player will bring the better players down, thus weakening that entire team as a result. However, sometimes this is acceptible when your opposition is in the same boat you are. This may not excuse the schools for putting bad players on their teams, but when faced with the situation of just filling up spots on a roster, coaches have to accept those students who enjoy the game and are willing to play on that team.

Afterall, Joliet Junior College is never going to play Duke in men's basketball.

Irony is a Bitch

2006-02-03T15:54:00.000-06:00

Continuing my education to achieve my doctorate in physical therapy is probably the most frustrating thing I have had to deal with in my life up until this point.

I just recieved word that I was once again denied entry into a graduate school, and for the same reason why I was denied the first time at a different institution last year. This confuses the hell out of me, since I asked various "advisers" and other offical-people-types what I needed to wok on before applying again. So, I did what they suggested, yet still I sit here with my thumb up my ass and student loans breathing own my neck. Sure, I have another school whom I am still awaiting their answer, but seeing as though their requirements are even higher than this first school I was denied from today... let's just say my hopes aren't very high.

The irony of the whole situation? I was told today by a therapist that I work with that attended the very school I was just denied from that my interviewer thought I had "nothing to worry about". I suppose she was assuming I DIDN'T want to get in. Bitch.

So my choices are, at this point: 1) I look to do something else other than P.T. and try to make a decent living at it; or 2) I don't give up and retake classes for the second time.

Holy shit I don't want to take chemistry again. And I CERTAINLY don't want to take physics again. But I suppose any "C" I got needs to go up a grade or so higher for this to work.

I have a couple choices to make I suppose. I figured I was going to be out of school and working by the time I was 26. Hell, married and having 2.5 kids by 30. I suppose everyone else forgot to read that script, eh?

Mike King Facts

2006-01-31T15:17:00.000-06:00

For those of my very few readers who do not already know about this piece of our generation's history, allow me to explain the title of this post:

There is a website that is undoubtedly created by a direct decendant of Jesus' and Einstein's lovechild that lists a number of "facts" about the All-American Hero, Chuck Norris. Now, I was never a huge fan of the Chuckster, but after reading these facts (which can be found at www.chucknorrisfacts.com) I have been converted. As has my friend Matthew McClure.

McClure and I are also huge fans of a silly sports radio show here in Chicago on 670 The Score, on which the aforementioned Norris shrine is constantly discussed and enjoyed among our fellow listeners.

So, and without the need of much explaination, McClure and I were obscenely bored at our respective places of employment one day. And we have a friend named Mike King.

Enjoy:

GENEBS82: We need to make a mike king fact page
HiStyk 18: Facts that he has given us, or facts about him?
GENEBS82: Facts about him
HiStyk 18: "Mike King does not piss in Dr. Pepper boxes because he is drunk. Dr. Pepper boxes request his piss to coat them in protective armor for their inevitable trip to the garbage dump"
GENEBS82: I have a project tomorrow
HiStyk 18: "Mike King is a skater blader. Once slice from him, and it's see-you-fuckin-later
GENEBS82: Lolol
HiStyk 18: Mike King will be a great husband and father because he is such a good listener
GENEBS82: ROFL
HiStyk 18: Mike King's back hair is referred to as The Coral Reef of Gnorgen
HiStyk 18: Mike King knows a couple of Phi Taus, and says that they are solid guys
GENEBS82: Mike king doesn't eat brunch. He refuels
HiStyk 18: Mike King doesn't nap. He recharges so he can go out and pimp with you later.
GENEBS82: Lol
GENEBS82: Mike king doesn't know matt galluchi. Matt galluchi knows him.
HiStyk 18: The chief export of Mike King is lovin
GENEBS82: HAHA
GENEBS82: Mike kings sweat can be bottled and sold as an alternative to Rogaine
HiStyk 18: Mike King's pores ooze Thompson's Water Seal. That is why he always glistens when he emerges from the shower.
HiStyk 18: Mike King's cock is so big, it cannot fit into a human woman's vagina, even after viewing the ultimate aphrodisiac, The Shawshank Redemption
HiStyk 18: Mike King wants you to come on over, come on up to Geisert.
GENEBS82: Winner
HiStyk 18: Which one?
GENEBS82: I wanna be like Mike is actually about mike king
GENEBS82: Your shawshank one
HiStyk 18: Mike King always knows what trump is
GENEBS82: I spoke too soon
GENEBS82: That is goddamn funny
GENEBS82: If u beat mike king in raquet ball, you win wimbelton automatically
HiStyk 18: Mike King spared the last 3 rolls out of pity for their fallen bretheren
GENEBS82: Laurence fishburne is actually doing a mike king yell
HiStyk 18: SOLID
HiStyk 18: Anyone who disagrees with Mike King is skewed and wrong
GENEBS82: Lolol
GENEBS82: Mike king actually DID intent the word klieg
HiStyk 18: The movie "Prefontaine" is based on Team's marathon running
GENEBS82: Omg
HiStyk 18: OMG @ what? Pefontaine?
GENEBS82: Yes
GENEBS82: That was good
HiStyk 18: In a fight between William Wallace and Maximus, the winner is Mike King
GENEBS82: Mike king really does hang out with Guile
HiStyk 18: Mike King like big butts, and he cannot lie
HiStyk 18: Mike king is a stone. He puts snow in his mouth so the wolf does not see his breath

Coming Soon to a Zoo Near You....

2006-01-20T13:53:00.000-06:00

....a cage full of smokers.

That's right ladies and gentlemen, you heard it hear first. Smokers are being caged in like a bunch of wild animals, thanks to the new smoking ban that hit the air of Chicago on January 16th.

While attending a Chicago Blackhawk game last night with a friend, he and I left our seats at the United Center in search of a quite corner where we could have a quick smoke and finish a beer. Usually this was never a problem at the UC, where there is usually one or two "smoker sections" designated in the main concourse around each floor of the arena. True, it would get a little disgusting at times, but really no different from any tavern or crowded bar that you could go to on any given night in the Windy City.

Well, we had forgotten about the Ban, and were welcomed by both white signs and black ushers that both insisted on "No Smoking" (although the warning from the ushers sounded more like OH NO YOU DIDUHNT). So, we asked where we could smoke, and were pointed in the direction of Gate 7.

Upon exiting the arena, we noticed a fenced in area that was probably 30 feet wide by 13 feet deep, jam-packed with about 80 people all puffing away as if (ironically enough) their lives depended on it. Good thing I made friends with the people standing next to me, considering the fact our shoulders were slammed against one another.

Fine, I get the point of the smaoking ban, which is to insure the rights and health of non-smokers in a very crowded city. I can understand that if workers at an establishment do not wish to have smoke blown at them all day that they shouldn't have to just deal with it, especially in the food business. Hell, I'll even understand that while there are smoking areas in resturants, some smoke does filter over into the non-smoking section and hence defeats the purpose altogether.

But seriously, who the hell do lawmakers think they are fooling here? You mean to tell me that segregating a population of people into the streets and alleys is the answer to fighting second-hand smoke health issues? Don't these poeple also have the right to enjoy a tobacco product at their leisure without fear of being fined or shunned? I absolutely agree that smoking is harmful to one's health, but isn't it a choice that an individual has whether to smoke or not? Sure, you can argue that non-smokers don't have a choice when breathing in second-hand smoke, but I counter that by saying they do, in fact, have a choice. Non-smokers have the choice to sit in the non-smoking section. Employees choose their jobs, and if you mean to tell me that you apply to a resturant where smoking is allowed and then get angry when you have smoke blown in your face, then you are a complete fucking idiot.

True, I stated above that non-smoking sections don't completely eliminate smoke inhilation by those seated in that section. But come on... do people honestly believe that sending people outside and only 15 feet away from the door will 100% eliminate any smoke going into their lungs?

What the Hell is Going On?

2005-12-22T16:27:00.000-06:00

Just a quick little post before I lay down, seeing as though I am entirely too hungover to even function right now....

Why in the world are so many people getting in trouble over the content of their blogs? I mean seriously, it is happening EVERYWHERE. Look at CNN.com or any other major news site and you will undoubtedly see some story about little Suzie getting expelled and Johnny getting axed for simply using their Constitutional right of expressing themselves via an online journal. Granted, if you are dumb enough to write about how you want to kill your father or something, you deserve to be punished somehow. But come on.

Cyber-bullies? Are you fucking serious? Kids at school are now shaking in their boots because other, bigger kids are threatening to beat them up by posting said threats on the internet. Have kids really become that goddamn lazy that you can't even threaten someone to their face anymore? Or is it the fact that everyone in America are nothing but pussies and are too scared to vocally express themselves to another person for fear of being arrested, hung, shot, whatever?

Yes, I realize the irony in that last statement, so fuck you.

The next time you are on Google.com (which you can find on this site), search "cyberbully". You will be amazed.

Freedoms are being taken away right under our noses.

Untitled

2005-12-14T19:28:00.000-06:00

Today was probably one of the most depressing days of my life, and I have no idea why.

"They" say that depression, in the clinical sense, is very serious and causes all sorts of bad things to happen to a person, both mentally and physcially. I am not sure if I have ever been that depressed, persay, but I would have to say that today came pretty fucking close.

It all started with what I think was a dream, and although I cannot even remember a specific part of it or if the dream actually took place at all, the feeling that I woke up with this morning was absolutely terrible: I had lost my girlfriend.

I have no idea why I thought what I thought. Maybe it was from a conversation we had the night before which was nothing more than a friendly, realistic conversation about relationships in general and not even totally focusing on our relationship. Or, like I said, maybe I had a dream where something had happened to her or us or whatever. The fact is, I was absolutely miserable for the remainder of the day for no reason whatsoever.

I have discovered one thing about myself that I wish I could change, and that is what I guess people call "word vomiting", or something to that effect. That is, you start saying things that you really don't want to say, but you can't stop doing it once you've started. It is almost some kind of sick addiction that I somehow picked up along the way of living, and I fucking hate it. I would seriously rather be addicted to cocaine than have to deal with this anymore.

Just so you can get an idea of what I mean, try thinking about this: you are sitting with someone you care very much about (family, friends, significant other, whoever) and you are having some kind of small arguement about any little trivial thing you can possibly come up with. The next thing you know, something pops into your head that is still within the context of the argument, but you KNOW if you say what you are thinking you will insult the other person... but you say it anyway. And then another. And another. Hell, it doesn't even have to be an insult. It could be an irrational fear or idea that you just continue to spew out of your outh and off your tounge.

The bonus round to all of this is when word vomiting actually starts to effect your thinking. Everyone has conversations with themselves in their heads each day, even if it is just a few words. You would hope that these conversations only consist of a few words here and there, and that these words are positive ones. However, you eventually start convincing yourself that something is very wrong with whatever you are worried about, and these irrational thoughts cannot stop coming.

I work in an atmosphere where all I do is listen to people's problems all day long. 40 hours a week, 5 days a week. Times at home are rough right now in the Fonseca household, which means that even after I get out of work, I come home to more bitching and depression about a whole new set of problems. So what do I do? I leave the house and go out with my girlfriend, which in turn causes others to get pissed at me for not spending enough time with them and too much time with her....

Today just... it all came out at once. Today was my boiling point. So here is what I have to say, and it will most certainly help when I re-read this post in the future:

Fuck each and every one of you.

Fuck you for making me feel like shit each day when I look at your face, not because I hate you, but because I know what you are going to bitch about next. Fuck you for bringing your problems home with you and taking it out on all of us. Fuck you for being selfish and uncaring and self-centered for wanting everything your fucking way and not taking "no" for a fucking answer. Fuck the problems with your ugly fucking car, I could give a shit less. Fuck any of you that holds my happiness against me. You cocksuckers liked it when I was dumb and alone with nothing but you, didn't you? Kiss my little white ass you hypocritical bastards until your lips are chapped.

And last but not least, fuck me for having to actually write something like this to make myself feel better. I am better than to let things like this bother me, and I know it. Get your fucking head out of your ass and start living life again like you know how. You've got a lot more good than bad in your life, despite all that shit written above.

Can't Take it With You?

2005-11-17T19:33:00.000-06:00

As you could probably tell by the title of this post, money has definitely been my main focus as of late, and not because I have a large pot of gold sitting in my bedroom. Rather, I have moths in my pockets and .

Money, money, money. GOD DAMN do I hate that stuff. Yes, I realize that everyone needs it to survive, and that everyone who wants it has to usually do something they really don't enjoy in order to get it. This is just a fact of life, and will forever be the main necessity for every human surpassed only by their need for food... maybe. Afterall, you can't get food even without having some sort of money.

While I realize these few points as being factual, I also am fully aware that it is a fact that I am broke. Ok, so maybe not as broke as my scenerio above my lead you to believe, but pretty damn close. Where does my money go? Well, most of it goes to the government in the form of loan payments. Bradley University also has a small fraction of that chunk, and we most certainly cannot forget that money pit. And of course there are the other usual bills that everyone has, such as cellphone, gas, etc.

But a large portion of my paychecks simply trickle down my leg. That's right, I really piss away a lot of my extra cash flow doing things that I probably shouldn't be doing and drinking things that I most CERTAINLY should not be drinking. I don't really realize it at the time, but I suppose no one really catches themselves in the act of splurging. Well, maybe some people can... and we call them Jews.

But I think the worst part about not having money isn't the actual fact of knowing that you are broke, but moreso how it effects others around you. One would certianly think that the only person who would really get hurt in this situation would be he who is broke, but I argue that any friends, significant others, and anybody else who that person is associated with gets hurt the most.

Take my situation for an example: I know, or at least have good reason to assume that my friends have has it up to "here" with my continuous excuses of not being able to go out due to my lack of dinero. Well, for those of you reading, I can only say that it is true, which I am sure you probably have already figured out if you've read up until this point. It isn't because I don't want to hang out with anyone. It isn't because I'm mad or think I am too good for others. I just have no means to satisfy an evening out on the town doing that things that my friends like to do.

Additionally, I am pretty certain that my girlfriend wants to slap me sometimes for using the same excuse over and over again. Now, I am rather fortunate to have someone who cares enough about having me around doing something fun that she is willing to pay for me to do whatever with her. In a million years, I will never NOT appreciate this, because I know it is tough for her too. But dammit, I don't want to seem like a cheap boyfriend. If I have one big fear about any of this, it is coming off as that: a cheap ass. Quite honestly it frustrates the HELL out of me to not be able to treat her to things, or take her out to places, or to do whatever else any boyfriend is supposed to be able to do for his girlfriend. It makes me feel inadequate and useless. But, like I mentioned before, I SOMEHOW found the best girl in the world to have such a money issue with simply because she has been rather understanding of it. There are plenty of guys out there that have more money than I do, and I thank God every day that she actually likes me for me and that she isn't finding someone with a bigger checkbook.

I know that this is going to be the worst time in my life for anything financial. Hell, it certainly can't get any worse. So, I suppose I just have to ride it out for a bit longer while I get ready to start a career in a couple years, and hopefully a family.

I just have to hope for a break at some point. I'm fucking due.

Pharmacy Woes

2005-10-17T16:05:00.000-05:00

It has come to my attention that the CVS Pharmacy by my house in Joliet is both my most and least favorite place on the planet. While there are many reasons for this paradox (one being the fact that they always have EXACTLY what I "need" on sale in front of the store when I go, like the space heater in my basement that I hardly ever use), the single most aggrivating reason is where they keep the condoms in the store.

Now, while I am not at ALL embarrassed in buying condoms (hell, it's better than buying diapers), it does bother me that the condom aisle is directly in the sight of where the pharmacists have their break room, prompting many dirty looks and expressions of shock at that fact that someone is not only fucking your ugly ass, but also doing it frequently enough to merit purchasing multiple condoms. However, I do find it slightly humerous that pregnancy tests are immeditely next to the condoms, as if the store is saying "Hey, better luck next time".

Perhaps an even larger issue that I have when buying condoms is the fact that there is no concievable purchase combination that works well enough with condoms that would prevent you from looking like a complete jackass. But, I have tried, and here is the best I have come up with thusfar:

1) Condoms with toothpaste. While this may be the easiest combo due to the close proximity of the oral hygene products to those products that touch your pee-pee, one can appear nervous and inexperienced because of the aformentioned toothpaste/condom locations. In other words, they know you don't really need toothpaste and that it was the first thing you saw.

2) Condoms with alcohol. I'm not even gonna go there. Too easy.

3) Condoms with any food product. OH MY GOD. STAY AWAY CRAZY FETISH BOY. DOES YOUR MOTHER KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING WITH YOUR LIFE??

4) Condoms and dog food. (See #3).

5) Condoms with the film you need developed. Ron Jeremy in the flesh? No, wait, it's just Adam the Polexican Firecracker dropping of film of his crazy dog food fetish.

So what is the best combination available out there? I haven't seemed to find it just yet. Perhaps simply buying an unbelieveable amount of condoms at one time ....like, 10 boxes.... might just be funny enough to prompt laughter instead of judgement-looks from Gramma Cashier. Obviously, any suggestions and/or stories are more than welcome.

The Dark Tower

2005-09-21T17:08:00.000-05:00

As of the time of this post, I am currently about halfway through the final installment of Stephen King's Dark Tower series. Without knowing how this epic ends (which should only take me about another few days or so, as I am basically only reading the book during down time at work), I can already safely say that this has been the most enjoyable story I have ever read in my short life. And yes, believe it or not, even coming from an asshole like me, that statement means a lot.

I am sure that everyone will agree King has a great talent for writing, and whether you love his work or hate it, he is hands-down one of the most influential writers of this modern era. Most of his stories have been made into films, and have also won many awards... but you can see the list of these successes on the inside jacket of one of his novels, so I won't bore you with it now.

This particular work, a seven-part series (at least, there are 7 foundation books actually titled "The Dark Tower", however as you read this series you learn that almost every book King has written is somewhat related to this epic), has gripped my attention and admiration with such intensity mainly because the books leave me reflecting about my own life long after I put each new installment down.

King writes about a powerful, almost spiritual phenomena that he has deemed "Ka". One can loosely relate Ka to "destiny" or "fate", or simply to the idea that everything happens for a reason. However, this is not an attempt to simply shrug of Ka as another cliche'. To me, this concept holds a great deal of validity and truth as to how each of us live our lives, should we have to ability to notice.

I firmly believe that many things in my short life have happened (or have not happened, for that matter) because they were supposed to. For example, I know that if it had not snowed on a day near the end of my senior year in college, thus preventing any sort of raod travel, I would have never met Kristen. Trust me, I could go into the story, but I would rather tell you it, so feel free to ask. The point is that everyone can look back on a time in their life that they once thought was completely unfair and unreasonable and probably didn't make an ounce of sense at the time, and now (if you really put your mind to it) you can trace a timeline to an event that happened a little later in your life, and now everything suddenly makes perfect sense.

These are the thoughts and realizations that a person has that helps make life a little more enjoyable to go through. I suppose some people call this "finding the silver lining"... but I really do think there is much more to it than that. I may not be a firm believer in a religious God or Higher Being, but I certainly am a believer that something has a say in what happens to us during our lives.

The only trick is we have to allow it to happen by being observant to those times when coincidence simply cannot explain something fully. Maybe I am talking about predestination, maybe I am simply elluding to that "destiny" word again.

Whatever the case may be, I am very sure that Mr. King is on to something. Hell, maybe I am just being an overly obsessive fan of a fictional story that is merely meant to be a source of entertainment.

That's all it is, right?

Rock and Roll is Dead?

2005-08-15T14:20:00.000-05:00

Alright...

As many of my friends know, my taste in music is anything but easily categorized. I listen to anything from rap, techno, heavy metal, alternative, etc. constantly, as evident from any playlist that can be associated with me. Of course, I tend to enjoy the harder stuff, mixed in with the occasional classic rock seasoning that makes me wish I remembered more of the 80's and proud that my dad was somewhat of a mexican hippie (or, as I like to call it, a Mippie).

However, as we enter the second half of 2005, it has occurred to me that my love of everything Rock simply is not strong enough to butt heads with the American musical society any longer.

Every time I turn on the television, I am forced to skip over my once beloved MTV because I simply do not wish to see another 50 Cent, Britney Spears, or Destiny's Child video any longer... and that is even IF MTV plays videos anymore (not to get off on another rant, but the "music" in "Music Television" has become nothing more than background noise for some reality show, or for a show that employs washed-up artists as hosts that are, more than likely, rappers). Additionally, I have to change the channel from commercials even quicker now because of the LAYERS of pop or hip-hop music that coporations have chosen to help sell their products (and what does Classic Rock get? Car commercials. For old people.)

However, perhaps the single most aggrivating thing that I have noticed about the slow death of Rock and Roll as we know it is simply the fact that almost ZERO rock artists get any sort of recognition for their talent.

Think about it. When was the last time you watched a music awards show and Country and Hip-Hop/Rap/Pop didn't steal the show? Hell, search the internet for the results of all the awards shows from the last 5 years and I can almost guarentee you that Country and Pop artists won more than 75% of the major awards.

So, this means one of two things is probably true: 1) either Rock artists have just flat-out sucked for the past 5 years (which obviously isn't true, since many of the same bands from 5 years ago when rock was popular are still playing today); or 2) America is idolizing mediocrity in lifestyles.

WARNING: RACISM/INSENSITIVITY FOLLOWS:

Actually, probably not a whole lot of this will be offensive, but I figured why not put up some capital letters to at least warn all you politically correct assholes that some sort of common sense is about to be written.

Let's think about the two most popular forms of music today: Country and Pop (which I will define as urban Pop, Hip-Hop, and Rap). I'm sure most of my readers will agree that not only do these two genres carry along a strong fanbase, but most of the artists also write about their own life stories. And, in turn, songs are produced in the likes of drug enounters, theft, violence, death, cheating on lovers, and any other sin that you can think of that most of us have probably commited ourselves.

Believe me, I KNOW that this is not always true. I am sure there are some very good songs out there about love, puppies, and all sorts of nice things that some of these same artists who sing about bar fights and smoking weed have also written... and goes a little deeper than fucking a phat azz.

But maybe this is why these genres of music are so damned popular: the very fact that, as stated above, Americans who buy this shit can relate. Additionally, and hopefully not to get too off-track, a lot of these fans live in your farmlands and ghettos that consist of people who fuck like rabbits and have 39 kids to a family thus raising the populations in the already big states, thus providing more people per capita the opprotunity to buy thousands of these artist's records, ultimately raising popularity and sales.... which then leads to awards and recognition.

And then again, maybe it simply means that unless you can shake your ass to it, the songs is otherwise shitty and will not amount to anything.

Well I say bullshit. I say we Rock and Roll fans need to make a push to bring back our beloved music and support the likes of Green Day, Foo Fighters, and any of the other few bands who have made it this far admist the tyranny of Puff Daddy, Jessica Simpson, and Brad Paisley.

Hell, I would just like to be able to drive an hour south in my state without having to listen to nothing but country stations in the AM and hip-hop at night. I guess it's a start.

Classic Work Anger Rant

2005-08-04T15:47:00.000-05:00

Ok, first of all, whenever did I sign on to become the bitch of my job?

For the past couple of weeks, times have been a little FUBAR at work, and all sorts of things are getting even worse as the days go by. For one, employees are constantly being either sent home for bullshit reasons or are calling in for mysterious medical maladies (credit to you know who on that word choice) that do not remain consistent in either case.

Now don't get me wrong. My job is probably one of the easiest things in the world to do, just as long as you have somewhat of an interest in the field and you have taken one or two anatomy classes. Quite frankly, half of the day I sit at a desk and either send text messages to various people I know or play Free Cell on the computer (that doesn't have internet, because if it did, I'm sure I would abuse it). The point is, however, that no matter who is sick/dying/out-of-town/just trying to piss Adam off, *I'M* the one that always gets stuck working their hours.

Fine, the extra cash is good. Fine, it looks good to be a dependable employee. And yeah, sometimes I get lucky and am able to have one of the other employees work my late hours on Friday, which allows me to come home, masturbate, drink profusely, drive out on the town, come home, masturbate, chase my cat around the basement, then fall asleep a happy little drunken boy.

But who wants to always have to cover everyone else's ass? WITHOUT getting a raise?

The ironic thing about this post is that I have just heard about a few people getting canned for blogging about their jobs and how much they hate them (via People Magazine). While this may be exactly what I am doing, let me make one thing clear: I don't hate my job. In fact, I love my job. It gives me money, it helps me buy food and pay bills, and the people are nice when it boils right down to it. Frustration is just boiling over at this point, and is getting even worse seeing as though one of my fellow employees is leaving in 11 days. Which means more work for me, and less cat-chasing.

Decatur is Corny

2005-07-26T13:39:00.000-05:00

This past weekend I spent some quality time with P-Funk (my father, which sort of makes him sound like a rapper, but I assure you he is not) by driving to Kristen's softball nationals in the beautiful oasis of ruffage that is Decatur, Illinois.

Driving down was actually a pleasure, since we rented a car that actually had air conditioning and a speedometer that exceeded 85 miles an hour (don't worry Maroon Lagoon, I still hold a special place for you in my heart), and we arrived in less than 2 hours. While driving into the town, Perry and I could not help but notice the fact that there was nothing to notice AT ALL in terms of our surroundings. I'm not sure how many of you have been to Decatur, but if you think the drive to Peoria or U of I is boring... I have a new challenger for you. Corn, soy beans, and cows were our only means of entertainment during the drive, so much so that I almost expected James Earl Jones to be riding a tractor once we found these hidden softball diamonds.

Watching the tournament was nothing less than excrutiating, and not because of the fact that the team didn't play well (which I will get to in a second). Temperatures that rose to well above the century mark welcomed us to the fields, with the warmest day being Saturday where the girls had to play 5 fucking games. Seriously, I didn't see this type of cruelty in the movie Glory.

Anyway, the girls played 6 games and won only once, and I can't say that I wasn't surprised. A few reasons or excuses can be given as to their poor play (the temperature being one), but I think there is something a little deeper. Now, I've played on my fair share of sports teams, but nothing that could be considered super-competitive, nor have I played on a team in a league recently other than Intramural teams in college. However, I am certainly able to notice a change in attitude of the players when times get rough and the game starts getting out of hand... a change that does not really exist in younger athletes.

While growing up, athletes are taught the fundamentals of any given sport. You have to crawl before you can walk, obviously. These fundamentals are stressed day in and day out by the coaches, who are more than likely the player's parents. If a player has a bad game, he or she is probably going to be down on themselves for awhile, and not always because they let the team down... moreso because they let themselves down (much like a child feels when they get scolded in school). However, this is easily overcome by more practice and simply learning how to handle situations differently. In due time, the athlete will mature and reach a level where they can only really fine-tune their skills, and not so much improve as a whole. Additionally, the focus shifts from developing physical skills to moreso improving mental skills and how to handle themselves when faced with certain situations.

However, the catch here is that when things go wrong in a game that these older athletes are playing, a certain team depression sets in. Team mates start feeling anger or resentment at each other for mistakes, players begin worrying about letting down the team, and everything begins to go wrong in a snowball-like manner. The game is no longer a learning process for these players then, and instead has become something like a punishment. They have to figure out how to stop the bleeding instead of trying to finish off the opponent. In essense, the team starts to play in a manner that will prevent them from losing instead of playing to win.

This can be seen in any higher-level sport team, and can be compared to those teams that have actually succeeded. These teams were able to stay focused on the mental aspect of the game and worry about the team's performance on an individually-powered basis. Coaches stress that there is no "I" in "team", but this does not mean one cannot take pride in performing well.

While there is no "I" in the word, and "winning as a tea"m is always the politically correct way to play that is taught to coaches and players, one cannot forget that those "I's" still have to perform well in order for that "team" to win. It may take everyone on the team to win it all, but it only takes one player to make it all fall apart.

Well I Thought I Was Being Clever....

2005-06-28T13:23:00.000-05:00

But apparently not.

The other day while sitting at a friend's house, my website was being viewed by a couple people and the question came up as to what the title of the page meant. Well, considering the fact that I am American, and that most people in this country are made up of a plethora of different backgrounds, I am nothing more than your usual American mutt.

However, if there are two ethnicities that can be picked out of the mess and held to be the most predominant, Mexican and Polish are it.

Now, while thinking of a name for this site, many choices were thought up and in turn discarded. When the obvious idea of combining these two aspects of my genetic make-up came to mind, "Polexican" was the funniest thing I could come up with.

After basking in my cleverness for some time, I was quickly brought back down to earth after I realized that I was not the only retard to have thought of this combination... in fact, not by a long shot. I'll get back to that in a second...

Later that same aforementioned day, Kristen brought up that she was searching for my site via Google or some other major search engine and was surprised by the titles that came up. Apparently, she also found an actual definition for the word "polexican", and not based on any sort of racial undertones either.

So I went ahead just a few minutes ago and searched the web for a couple definitions of "polexican". Unfortunately, and maybe because of the sites that I searched at, I was unable to find a definition that was anything but racially related. I did, however, find this website.

By no means do I consider myself any different from any other educated person in the world in terms of my view on racism. I think it is a terrible, dangerous, ignorant mindset that is only truly practiced regularly by degenerate, stupid, frightened people (which I am happy to say I know none). However, if you can take a joke and have a sense of humor that allows you to laugh at social silliness.... well, that website had me laughing for quite some time.

At any rate, feel free to send me any websites that have the "Polexican" theme, especially if you can find this non-racial definition that supposedly exists.

Silliness of Relationships, Volume 4

2005-06-14T13:01:00.000-05:00

Honesty, trust, meeting family, meeting friends, living through people's old relationships... all of these things are both topics of my past journal entries on other sites and also issues/experiences that everyone must go through when dating or in any relationship.

I've written a lot about these topics, and I am certain that anyone who has faithfully read my posts can basically get a good idea of the type of problems I have had with girls, friends, and family. Obviously I have focused more on my romantic relationships (which sounds like an oxymoron when applied to me), mainly because I am convinced, as most of you have read, that I am cursed in that relationship realm (and not totally because of things other people have done).

When a situation comes up in a relationship with someone where things get weird, or there is that awful awkward moment when the two of you sit there and say nothing because both of you are thinking about how to put things in the right way... well, there isn't another feeling I can think of that is more ridiculous. Well, maybe watching two clowns go at it froggy style, but until I see THAT.....

Anyway. Those times are not fun, at all. However, as long as the two of you talk things out and are not afraid to share how both of you are feeling, then things will go that much smoother, if not for the main reason that one person doesn't have to worry about what the other is thinking.

Now, most of you know that I am dating again, and I can already tell that this relationship is different from the others I have had, both romantic and platonic. If nothing else, I became friends with Kristen first, and boyfriend second. As a side note, I believe this truly is the ONLY way to start a relationship that will last (at least for me), mainly because you are already aware of the pros and cons of the person due to the friendship prior to looking at the same person in a romantic light. Let's face it... people simply act differently towards each other when comparing the two types.

But getting back to the introduction, I have to honestly say that I am having a rather easy time with those factors that everyone goes through with relationships with this particular one... and I could not be more thankful. I have a few people to meet yet, both friends and family, but I otherwise feel pretty comfortable with my current situation. And believe me when I say that I am ridiculously happy about this, as well as relieved.

But I know that there are rough times that will be had. And I know that not everyone has such an easy time dealing with those aforementioned topics. And, out of all of those topics, trust and honesty are the most important to me. Both require unselfish regard for the other person, and both require no regard for your own well-being at times. Basically, you have to lay your ass on the line and hope everything works out in your favor. This is obviously a big deal for anyone. But perhaps the hardest part of trust and honesty is the "blind faith" aspect of both... and we all know how I feel about that.

While I may think that relationships are silly, and the act of dating is a huge pain, I also believe that you learn more about yourself than anything. You learn what you can and cannot put up with, and you discover the flaws of your own thinking (mainly due to trial and error during previous relationships).

I have learned many of my flaws, and for some weird reason I feel like I need to apologize, but not to anyone in particular or specific. Maybe I need to just apologize to myself and laugh about some of the thoughts I have thought and some of the things that were said. Relationships, I have learned, are as silly as the people who are in them and should not be taken any more serious than the relationship with yourself. Doing otherwise will simply drive a person insane.

Everyone has human instincts they try to follow, such as feeling jealous, threatened, or hurt. But realizing that, while one KNOWS he or she will feel these instincts at some point, they are in fact JUST instincts and are completely normal... well, relationships of any kind seem pretty damn easy.

Never before have I been happier than I am right here and now. I mean no offense towards anyone, simply because everyone I know is included in that statement. Because of all the relationships I have and have had, and because of how each of those relationships have ended up... you have all made me a better person due to the lessons I have learned.

I may be a skinny white kid who worries too much about things. I may be a person who has made mistakes that have hurt others and who hasn't always felt sorry about them. I may have enemies. I may not have a lot of money, nice things, and a dog that barks constantly at nothing on the other side of my fucking fence (which he is doing right now).

But I know I am a person who has friends that would die for me. I know I am fortunate enough to have a family that will always be there for me. I know that material possessions, while not important, are coming my way along with easier times in that realm. And I know that I am in love with someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. And she's got great chompers and tootsies. Believe me, don't ask.

The Theory of Woo

2005-06-08T18:14:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite activities to do while driving in my Chariot of Love that is a 1992 Buick Century is listening to my radio as loud as I possibly can. My taste in music spans many genres, with an overall emphasis on Metallica and loud, screaming people, and I have had the opprotunity to experience many new artists (as well as old).

In doing so, I also have the habit of singing any song that I know at least two words in, and also try to sing it in the style that the original recording artist sang it. Believe me when I say that whenever I hear AC/DC or Jay-Z, I have to stop myself from singing in order to laugh hysterically. However, after many years of this little hobby that many Americans surely partake in, I have stumbled onto a concept that will undoubtedly change the course of car-radio-listening forever.

Newton has gravity, Darwin has evolution, and now I have the Theory of Woo.

That's right my friends, you read correctly. I have actually come up with a concept that cannot be disproven, and in fact is more solid in its fundamental properties than E = MC squared.

I present to you, my readers, the Theory of Woo:

-Any song, in any genre, from any time period can be more fully enhanced in both lyrical beauty and rhythmic integrity by simply placing a well-timed "WOO" within the song while singing it or listening to it.

And when I say "any song", I do mean any tune that you can think of.

So how does it work? Simple: find your favorite song, or the song that you hate the most for that matter, and listen to it a few times. After doing so, get the timing down in your head for any change in tempo, loudness, or meter that you can notice. Perhaps there is a distinct sound change between the verse and the chorus, or maybe there is a heavy pause between the intro and the verse... you get the idea. After finding this part in your song, right before you anticipate the change in sound to occur, say out loud in a Ric Flair or Puff Daddy manner the word that will forever change the way you listen to music: "WOO!"

I guarentee you that if done correctly, this technique will even work to Beethoven. So go out, throw a CD into a radio somewhere and try it out. Now.

Short Hiatus

2005-05-25T23:48:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I know, I've been slacking.

I haven't really had the desire to update as of late due to my increasing lack of interesting shit going on in my life, and I blame it completely on old people.

Everyone in the world has heard the little phrase "if you do something you love as a career, you'll never work a day in your life". My friends and fellow readers, I am writing to inform each and every one of you (if you aren't already aware) that this could not be further from the truth. I love my job... or should I say, I love the job that I do. The whole idea about healing people and using what I learned in school in a real life situation gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling in my ballsack. However, it is still a job, and until I begin my life as a horrible professional poker player, I am going to have to interact with other people that I don't like.

And this, my dear friends, is where the stress and problems lie. These two demons show their ugly faces to me every single day I walk into that clinic, but never in the same forms. Some days it will be the Office Manager. Other days it will be the old crusty lady who can't walk but drives a nicer car than mine. And then there are the times that no matter what I do, say, or think... I just KNOW it is going to be a bad day.

I think it is just human nature to find something that bothers you in a situation and you, in turn, feel obligated to dwell on this particular "thing" until you slowly go insane. Because let's face it: people love drama, and people love to think they are better than something else in order to boost their own self-esteem. What better place to find both of these than the one place you are at the most? Which, in my case, is the bathroom at Newsome trying to take a shit while a picture of a nun is staring at me as I am simultaneously trying to time my juicy farts perfectly with the rattling of the drier.

At any rate, and to fulfill my obligation as a dorky boyfriend, I have to admit that Kristen has helped immensely with keeping me occupied during the week while we all attempt to deal with our early working lives. It is definitely something different for me to have had one of my best friends (even though we've only known each other a short while) become my girlfriend, and it has definitely been the easiest transition I have ever had to make. My readers should know that I usually don't give a "shout out" or whatever to someone I am dating, so I'm blaming this one on the next blue moon that comes. Or the next one I drink.

Bon Jovi Haunts My Dreams

2005-05-02T22:18:00.000-05:00

I cannot get away from this fucking band.

The other night I was TRICKED, DOOPED, MANIPULATED into going to the Colosseum to do what I THOUGHT was to drink beers and laugh at people with Jay.

Instead, the lovely Kristen and Stephanie neglected to tell me that there was yet another Bon Jovi cover band that had SOMEHOW escaped the mass execution of all Bon Jovi's and just so happened to be playing this night. Now, I had made mention of the first Bon Jovi cover fags that I saw a couple posts back and how the lead singer of that little piece of heaven looked more like Rod Stewart than The King of Queers. Indeed, if that man held such a royal title, the man I saw THIS evening was his Queen.

Picture this: Axel Rose gets hit by a bus driven by a shit-monster that just so happens to be wearing white, starred, Spandex pants still covered in the Wookie's fur that he had just killed an hour prior... and you have an IDEA of what was singing on stage. "Slippery When Wet" indeed, because Jeebus knows that man had my juices flowing. I mean, just look at the guy!

Ok, so that wasn't really him, but you get the idea.

Now, I'm not really sure which was more annoying: the fact that someone gave a chimpanzee a headband and a microphone at the bar, or the car ride home from said bar.

Allow me to indulge you in another visual treat: A 23 year old girl who doesn't look a DAY past the second trimester sitting in the back of a Jeep Cherokee, DRUNK OUT OF HER SKULL, screaming racial slurs and the word "ignorant" (how ironic) so hard that my balls krept up to my ears in order to muffle the sounds. And she's holding my hand. And I'm crying.

I swear to Papa Smurf that if I wasn't holding Kristen at the time, I would have tossed Gargamel out of the Jeep and would have probably been carried into Lea's house as a hero.

I hate you Bon Jovi. So much.

Excited Waiters?

2005-04-27T23:04:00.000-05:00

Who the hell is ever excited about going to work? I mean, yeah, we've all heard the whole bullshit cliche' about "doing what you love for a living and you'll never work a day in your life", and I suppose that if your job is to tickle penguins in such an intense manner as to provoke them to shit 4000 karat gold bars that such a thing could be accurate. However for the vast majority of the working class this statement simply cannot be true.

Unless you are a waiter at Wildfire.

Located in Oakbrook (at least this one), Wildfire is a 1960's-themed resturant and bar that is a little bit pricey, a tiny bit loud, but a whole fucking lot of good eating. The bacon-wrapped, horseradish-topped filet that I had was outstanding, and I'm pretty sure Kristen enjoyed her whateverthefuck she got along with her Apple Martini Thingy.

While eating, however, we had the opprotunity to listen to a waiter that I am pretty sure masturbates to a photo of the menu while simultaneously reciting it to himself in fucking Latin. Now, this young man was not serving us... but GOD did he provide entertainment anyway. I shit you readers not, this man stood by his table and (along with a voice that could impregnate a demon) described each and every item on the menu to the patrons. You would have had to see him to get the full effect, but believe me when I say it was priceless.

And then there was Speedy Gonzalez the Valet. Ok, sure, Kristen's car is pretty fucking nice and she tipped the little latino pretty well in order to insure some sort of caution, but HOLY GOD. You would think La Migra was chasing this Mexican down with Burrito Kryptonite after witnessing his 100 yard dash. I suppose there is nothing wrong with taking pride in your work, but perhaps there can be when you're a goddamn valet running hard enough to make your customers think you stole their fucking car and just came back to taunt them.

All in all: great food, amusing service, mediocre prices, fast Mexicans.

Bon Jovi Sucks

2005-04-17T15:03:00.000-05:00

My Wonderful Sites of Chicagoland Tour continued this weekend with a stop at the Bourbon Street bar/club/meatmarket on Friday night, followed by another vist to the cathedral that is Barnaby's by AllState Arena following a Chicago Wolves game.

For those of you who have never been to Bourbon Street, it's in some city near Alsip and features a huge sports bar with even bigger TV screens and even BIGGER breasts on it's patrons. I was particularly impressed with the shadow dancers that weren't really there, but WERE really naked on the big screens in the club section of the building. However, the overall winner of the evening was me due to the fact that free beer flowed like my asshole the following morning, and I got to ride around in Kristen's YELLOW AS HELL Mustang all night.

The night was going fine, indeed... that is until the Bon Jovi cover band took the stage. Fuck you Kristen and Stephanie and your love of those fags. My ears are still ringing and my asshole is still flowing. But I guess Jovi can't be blamed for the last part.

The Chicago Wolves once again made the playoffs this season, capped off by an impressive win against Utah last night in front of more fans than I have seen at an AHL game. Rumor had it that the attendance record was to be broken that night, however I doubt that was the case. At any rate, Baranaby's is always my favorite part of the evening, and I will no doubt speak more about this sanctuary in following posts.

Upon returning to McClure's apartment in Wheeling, I had the opprotunity to play with the new puppy, Brody. Not only is Brody the size of a bottle of Bud Light, but he also is the cutest thing in the world with teeth that could kill an elephant. And he likes to eat feet. Good times.

Woodridge smells like vomit.

2005-04-10T17:28:00.000-05:00

Kristen and I decided to go check out Hollywood Blvd this past weekend, seeing as though neither of us have been there before, and both of us like to drink alcohol.

Upon arriving to the wonderful majestic neverland that is Woodridge, IL (which is almost always referred to as "Hoodridge"), we immediately noticed a rather interesting odor. After making sure it wasn't my nacha nor anything else in the Mustang, we came to the conclusion that God threw up on this particular part of the US that afternoon.

Sin City, which is probably one of the coolest movies I have seen in awhile, was only surpassed in greatness by the actual theater itself. Beer, movie, food, executive-type office chairs, and Jessica Alba in ass-less chaps. Ok, that last one WAS in the movie and not actually the theater, but fuck off... I had a great time. Only complaint would be the fact that a bucket of 6 Bud Lights was $18, and our server Craig was bombed out of his skull. Other than that, I recommend visiting this vomit-reaking paradise.

Bored at Work

2005-04-05T08:35:00.000-05:00

That's right, believe it or not, it is possible to get bored out of your mind at a golf course. Especially when you work at one. And no one is here.

But at least there is SportCenter. While watching my only companion at 8am this morning, there seems to be only two things going on in the sporting world: Opening Day and the Men's NCAA Championship.

Opening Day is what it always has been, and there is really nothing new to report on that front. Besides, if you want to know anything specific about the day, go to ESPN.com or somewhere else and read about how neither Chicago team will win the World Series and how the Yankees still suck despite having Jesus and Buddah on their starting rotation now.

I will, however, comment on the NCAA Championship, obviously because the Fighting Illini were involved. Seeing as though this college team has been the first Illinois-based sport team to play in any sort of championship in years, I was hoping they would end the drought and give me something to feel good about this morning while I sit here and stare at my dick. I had everything going for me, too: they were the #1 ranked team in the country, tournament, universe, galaxy, buhguya... and they were one win from making history.

And then Vegas came into play, and proved once again that the Sin City (without Bruce Willis) is a bad mamma-jamma. You see, despite the fact that Illinois was walking on water and the #1 team in the country for 15 weeks, Las Vegas somehow KNEW that they were going to lose and made them 2-point underdog's to the Nike Carolina Jordan's.

And that is exactly what happened. Illinois simply was DOMINATED by North Carolina on Monday night, and it certainly was all because of two guys: Sean May and Smaller Guy Who Isn't Sean May. Sure, the score was 75-70, and every one of you Illinois fans will read this column and say "BUT THAT WAS CLOSE DUR", and you will all be wrong. UNC had this basketball game under control from the first minute, and the score doesn't necessarily have to prove that. Illinois is made up of about 5 guards and 7 forward-sized men who can all make 3-point shots (then again, I'm sure Stephen Hawking could make a couple if he shot 30+ times behind the arch), and were all asked to go up against what a good friend of mine deemed Shaq 2.0. I'm not a math expert, but Roger Powell Jr. and James Augustine were not going to stop Sean May, a man who has probably 40-50 pounds on either man.

Of course, I'm not trying to take anything away from Illinois. They definitely deserved to be at this game, and some will argue that they deserved to win. Hell, 37 wins isn't anything to be upset about, and I will admit that I was hoping they would come out on top (even though I picked UNC to win in my office pool).

But when it comes to if the Team could outplay the Talent on the biggest stage of college basketball's season.. the answer this time was simply "No". Illinois played like the underdog they were for the entire duration of the game, and props to North Carolina for keeping their tradition alive.

They Come in 3's

2005-04-01T20:40:00.000-06:00

There is an old cliche', wives-tale, bullshit phrase that many people have heard and my mother believes in that can describe the recent traffic overload to the nation's obituray page (i.e. CNN), which is "deaths come in three's"... or something to that effect.

With that being said, I would like to express my condolences to the families of three extremely influential human beings that have (or will very soon) died this past week.

First and foremost, we have Terri Schiavo. I know, I know, it was totally out of left field and believe me when I say that I was shocked when I heard the news of her death yesterday. I guess it just kind of brings the whole "it can happen when you least expect it" ideal right back into focus. Never saw it coming.

Ok, I apologize... that was awful. But in all seriousness I will say that if there was ever a situation when I firmly believe something happened for the best... her death was certainly it. The poor woman can FINALLY be put to rest after all of this legal and federal nonsense that should have never occurred in the first place, and maybe now the world will have something else to talk about. Lesson learned, however, and you can rest assurred that this little boy will be putting together some sort of living will ASAP. Or at least take up snorkeling.

Secondly, we have one of the most respected pontiffs that has ever lived in Pope John Paul II. While at the time of this post he is still alive, times look grim for the Pope as his liver and kidneys and everythings continue to degenerate. While I may no longer consider myself a Catholic, I was raised as such and can honestly understand the historical significance of the Pope's imminent death in the next few hours. I have obviously never seen the electorial process that is involved in electing a new holy leader (since John Paul has been Pope for longer than I have been alive), I am certainly interested in how such an event will impact the world, let alone a major religion.

Pushing religion aside, and looking more at the world politics perspective of the Pope's life, one cannot help but acknowledge the impact he has had in so many areas of the world's history. I suppose the only example I have that can accurately capture this man's significance in modern politics is what he did during this last Iraq war, and that is stressing that the war would NOT be Catholics vs. Muslims. Take a moment and really think about the significance of that act, and now think of the number of Muslims in this country. A Holy War would not have been a good time.

Going even further, and speaking entirely from what I have read on the man as an individual, there are very few people who can say that while no one is perfect, he came pretty damn close to living the epitome of a "good" life. In all sincerity, Pope John Paul has this Midwestern-nobody's respect, and he will honestly be missed.

Finally, and probably most tragic, is the death of long-time comedian, actor, drug-addict, alcoholic, and general piece of shit Mitch Hedberg.

That sucks.

Closer

2005-03-29T23:08:00.000-06:00

Keeping in mind that I enjoy doing mindless things with my money, which is not limited to Internet poker, I am not ashamed to say that I haven't been to the movie theater in probably pretty close to a year.

After renting and watching "Closer", I might have to rethink my shame.

Set in modern-day Everytowne, USA (actually, the specific cities are stated in the movie, but this story has happened everywhere in some context) the film portrays four youthful (and not so much young, excluding Portman) people intertwined in a love...um, cube that was probably as unintentional as it was interesting.

Jude Law plays your basic struggling journalist who falls for a younger woman, Natalie Portman, who just so happens to be a stripper, and the two start a live-in relationship. Law eventually hooks up with Julia Roberts, who plays a talented photographer, who in turn falls for Clive Owen, a dermatologist, following a hilarious Internet sex-chat with Law. Trust me, you'll have to watch the film to understand.

Now, while I would love to go ahead and give a full review of the film, let me just simply state that it was excellent, well-written, and a must-see for anyone who has ever dated and enjoys brute honesty.

People are terrible, terrible creatures... and this is especially true when they mate. Never before have I seen a movie that has more accurately portrayed relationships as I have known them, and have felt about them for most of my short life.

Lust overcomes love in every instance, if it is true lust. Obviously this is not a good thing, don't get me wrong. However, human instincts are replaced by our animal nature at some point in a relationship... and some people act differently than others to these feelings. I've done it, people I have dated have done it, and I'm sure many of my readers have done it as well.

Of course, one does not need to sleep with someone to be guilty of this vice. Everyone experiences their own rendition of unfaithfulness, and I truly believe it is more unhealthy to deny this fact than commiting the act in the first place. While the film definitely centers around sexual acts of deviance and betrayal, this is certainly done with the overwhelming notion to make one think about their own relationships and how cleverly he or she may have tried to "get away" with something while dating.

Truly one can argue that love conquers all, and in a very odd way the film tries to also address this point of view, however once frustration settles in with the characters when they realize what they had can no longer be how it so blindly was... well, that is where jealousy and lust come roaring back in.

Hopefully this prompts some form of response, but all of that aside, I must once again state the film is excellent and should be an addition to anyone's DVD collection. Especially if you were too broke to see it in the theater. Like me.

The Easter Bunny Stiffed Me

2005-03-28T18:56:00.000-06:00

Easter has come and gone, and for the first time in my 22 years on this planet, the Easter Bunny is on my shitlist.

First, allow me to backtrack to Friday night.

I had made mention in the previous post that McClure and I would be making the trek up and sideways to Chicago so that we may hang out with said rabbit. Paul joined us in our journey, and much to our dismay Mr. Easter was a no-show. There were plenty of girls dancing around with interesting little bunny outfits on, and I suppose on any other day this would have been acceptable, but when I take my friends out on Good Friday to get hammered and I promise them the Easter Bunny.... he better fucking deliver.

Instead, we were greeted by the girls mentioned above, as well as about 8 of the women who work with my mother in Napertucky (and yes, I hit on almost all of them, and yes, most of them were under 30). However, McClure pointed out the main attraction of the evening, that being the terrible DJ that was our emcee for the evening (who, rather cleverly disguised himself as a DJ, when in all actuality he was just the only Asian in the world not good at math, as pointed out by McClure for good reason). Apparently, "Thriller" is the anthem played on the day that marks the half-way point to Halloween. 2 + 2 = Jello.

After a blissful night of heavy drinking, smoking, and NO FUCKING EASTER BUNNY, I returned home to hopefully receive what I had coming to me on Sunday morning.

Apparently that was the ass-end of a two-day hangover. And no Easter basket. Great.

Barry, Terri, and the Easter Bunny

2005-03-24T18:33:00.000-06:00

Now is a time in American history that trivialness and technicality is taking hold of the public's attention. To me, at least, the two top stories on CNN this morning were nothing less than ludacris and laughable, repectfully.

First, we have the Terri Schiavo ordeal (or should I say "appeal"), and although this story has been ongoing for the better half of this Month, not much has changed. I won't bore everyone with the play-by-play details of this story, as I am sure all of you have a good idea about what is going on... but I will comment on the following:

"With their daughter drawing closer to death, Terri Schiavo's parents all but exhausted their options Thursday after the highest court in the land and a Florida judge rejected their desperate pleas to reinsert the brain-damaged woman's feeding tube. "

The article continues:

"Schiavo suffered brain damage in 1990 when her heart stopped briefly from a chemical imbalance believed to have been brought on by an eating disorder. She left no living will, but her husband argued that she told him she would not want to be kept alive artificially. Her parents dispute that, and contend she could get better. "

Oh, where to begin. Let me first start of by restating the newest developement, which is that a federal court refused to allow Schiavo's feeding tube to be reinserted, much to her parent's dismay, thus prompting CNN to tell me about it this morning. With that said, I can finally give my opinion and agree with the courts on this particular issue, since *I* at least still believe in the legality of one's own words.

Terri told her husband back when her condition worsened (before she was unable to speak, obviously), that she did not want to be a vegetable and did not want to be kept alive artifically. End of story, that's it, el fin. Her husband heard her request and agreed to honor it, thus sparking the debate between Terri's parents and her loving husband. Now, I am sure that I am not just speaking for myself when I say that many people have made similar requests to people close to them, or at least something like this: "If I ever end up like that, just let me die."

This is exactly what Terri did. This is exactly what her husband is trying to let her do, and that is to die according to her wishes. He is not killing her, he is not commiting a crime, he is doing nothing wrong. Her parents, on the other hand, are acting rather ridiculously in this situation, since it is blatantly obvious to me that they are doing one of two things: trying to capitalize on their daughter's misfortune, or are so overtaken by grief that they simply cannot let go.

I can understand and sympathize with the latter. I am horribly disgusted with the former, and certainly hope it is not true. I would love to hear anyone's input on this situation, and I will try and keep my overall opinion brief, and that is this:

Let the poor woman die, for Christ's sake. She told the man she loves that she did not want to be kept alive like she has been, and he is doing what an exemplory husband should do... honoring her wishes. Terri is not going to improve, heal, or otherwise come out of the brain-dead state she is in. Simply let her go.

Another top story in America currently is the Barry Bonds Cry-Baby Situation, in which Barry has toyed with the idea of not playing this season due to the media's portrayal of him being a steroid user:

"I'm tired of my kids crying," he said. "You wanted me to jump off a bridge, I finally did. You finally brought me and my family down. ... So now go pick a different person."

No, Barry. YOU finally brought your family down. YOU made your children cry. YOU are the irresponsible jackass who had the talent and the drive to become the best hitter in baseball history, but decided to put money ahead of anything else and tried to cheat your way to the top. It is impossible to blame the media for creating any turmoil in your household, sir... especially since the media is simply doing it's job. They are the voice of the fans you are cheating, and they are asking the questions that need to be answered by YOU and no one else. It has never been so blatantly obvious to me that someone's dirty laundry is finally being uncovered and now they are lying through their teeth to try and shift the blame.

Finally and briefly, tomorrow night McClure, possibly Nate and myself will be in Chicago partaking in a blissful evening of booze, sloppy sweaty southsiders, and the Easter Bunny. Look for an update Saturday.

Reviving a fanbase?

2005-03-23T16:42:00.000-06:00

Triggered by a newly found level of boredom and mediocrity, I have decided to invite everyone whom I have known and have yet to meet to join me on my travels throughout the greater Chicagoland area on a somewhat daily basis. Topics will range from all genres, including: local events for those of you who know me personally; political opinions and reactions to nationwide developments; idiotic ramblings about how unjustly I have been treated during any given day; and why the Starbucks I work next to has a more productive governing system than any country on the globe.

As always, comments and opinions are encouraged as to provoke discussion in a forum-esque format.

Enjoy.