Neckties and Jesus

I have recently started a new job at a local college since my last company decided it would be best to take everything away from their employees and see what happens. While I feel much more comfortable early-on with this new position, I have to admit that I am rather nervous about a new daily activity I am forced to deal with because of this new opportunity: matching neckties with dress shirts.

I have never been required to wear neckties for a job before, and while I am all about looking nice for the customer (or in this case, prospective students), I am beginning to realize the difficulty of mixing and matching multi-colored ties with the dress shirts I currently own. The woman in my life has done a very good job of assisting me with this process, and has even gone so far as purchasing new combinations for me to rely on each day. However, I don't think this is the only assistance I will need.

The men at my new company are professionals of this mixing and matching trade, and have even mastered the art of matching multi-design ties with striped shirts. To me, a man still stuck in the solid-color shirts and simple-pattern tie box, this is essentially the equivalent of comparing high school algebra to college honors calculous.

To make matters a little more disappointing, a new co-worker of mine is already skilled in this talent of matching neck ornaments to dress shirts and has gone above and beyond my level of expertise instantly. While he and I are in training this week in Lake Elmo, MN, I have also learned that he is the best friend of Jesus. Literally. I mean... this guy was the first person the apostles called after the crucifixion and said, "You ain't gonna believe this shit...".

Nevertheless, this new coworker... while slightly crazy... is a homeboy of J.C. and a professional in business attire combinations. Am I to blame my father for not teaching me the ways of the necktie? He was a factory worker most of his life and has just recently gotten a position that requires him to also wear business attire on a daily basis. And he's 50. I can only imagine his state of panic each morning attempting to form the perfect knot in the tie he is placing around his forehead. And you know why he's confused? Not because his father was a railroad worker, but because he has Polish in him.

And for that fact, I blame my grandmother.