Why American Idol is Dying

Since I only really get the itch to update this haphazard blog after watching something completely ridiculous, I feel that I should first explain my position on this issue:

American Idol, over the past few years, has quickly become one of my favorite shows to watch on television. I have many reasons for watching the show including the usual suspects of watching the horrible auditions in the early rounds and being somewhat of a fourth judge of the talent that walks across the stage... however only recently have I begun to question the actual purpose of the show: the Competition.

Granted, I agree (presumably with the producers) that the current structure of the competition has been consistent and objective to this point. I would also agree that the three "judges" on the show are definitely qualified for their prominant position, even if Paula Abdul cannot hide the fact that she is either on medication, drugs, or both. However, I am beginning to question the morality of the contestants. Or, in other words, I am wondering if these "Idol Hopefuls" are legit.

I think it is pretty safe to assume that about 98% of the people that audition for American Idol are actually trying to "make it big" in the entertainment industry, either by winning the competition or by at least finishing in the Top 6 and hope to get noticed by a record producer watching at home. In addition, I believe that the show is a wonderfully convieniant way to get on television if you have even the slightest amount of talent... or an extreme lack thereof. We have seen every type of competitor on this show, ranging from the extremely talented to the rural cowboys to the obvious mistakes of smoking pot while pregnant. But, I would propose that we are finally seeing a new wave of contestants (especially over the past two seasons) that will eventually mean the end of American Idol as we know it. In short, the contestants are getting smarter.

Let me just bounce this off of you, the reader, and see if my theory sticks.

Imagine if, for whatever motive, a smartass contestant comes to Memphis, TN with the "dream of becoming the next American Idol". Little do the judges, producers, and creators know however is that this contestant is really simply trying to win the competition. This contestant does not have the dream of money or fame or anything else that goes along with becoming the "next American Idol" but instead simply wants to follow the rules already laid out if front of him (or her) and "impress the judges". Eventually with enough support from people calling in to the show, our little hero comes out on top and easily wins the competition only to shock America by refusing to take any record deals and state, "I only wanted to show that I could win".

This certainly sounds far-fetched, and I am probably exaggerating many things in this theory, however lets first discuss the "rules of engagement" for winning American Idol... at least, in my opinion.

First, you have to obviously have some notion of how to sing in order to even get noticed by the line judges during the 16 hour day. If you can't carry a simple tune (and carry it well) then my theory goes to shit. However, I believe that you need not be the next Kelly Clarkson or Taylor Hicks... you just can't be tone deaf.

Next, you go in with a set song that you KNOW will get the judges' attention (something recent, or something incredibly old for your age... like the Temptations or Nat King Cole). However, this song cannot be mainstream or a hit on the radio. It MUST be something to "show your diversity" by gong away from the norm.

Third, and most importantly, you HAVE to nail your initial audition. Afterall, and it has been proven year after year, the first time America sees you might as well be the last, because they will always remember their first impression of you when voting. Now, stay with me here, because I know this has been pretty much DUH NO SHIT ADAM to this point...

Fourth, during the Hollywood rounds where America votes, you must remember that it simply does not matter what the judges think of you. This is why your initial audition is so important. Think about it... why the HELL did Taylor Hicks beat Chris Daughtry last season? Sure, Taylor is a good singer, but he was never as good as the initial "wow factor" that he won with his opening audition. Katherine McPhee simply got by on her looks while showing flashes of talent. Taylor was lovable and people could relate to him. His grey hair thing helped him out a lot as well, so be sure to make up some weird aspect of your personality or image to make your name stick out to others voting. Hell, paint your nose pink.

Finally, no matter what, you MUST choose songs that America knows by heart in the later rounds (especially in the celebrity coaches rounds). I don't care if Barry Manilow is your coach and he wants you to sing some obscure melody he wrote on a napkin back in '65, you better DEMAND "Copa Cabana". Do exactly what he tells you to do when he "coaches" you, and exaggerate the hell out of it. Again, I firmly believe that you do not have to be Luther Vandross when giving your rendition. You simply have to sound somewhat like you know what you are doing.

I will admit that it is a stretch for me to assume that there are enough people out there who can carry a tune well enough to complete all of these rules mentioned above well enough to trick America. Then again, look at this year's contestants. More specifically, look at this guy who looks like Jack Osborne ate Sharon and all of her dogs... this guy is a decent singer. A decent singer. However (and Simon said it best) American will love him and I guarentee that he will make it to the final 12.

The fact of this rambling is exactly this: before long, and after enough seasons, someone smart enough will come along and win this competition by merely doing what is expected of them. American Idol is finally beginning to catch up to itself, and there is nothing that the producers can do about it. This is just like any video game, board game, or other competition anyone can name.

With enough research, practice, and loopholes, ANY game can be won by ANYONE. People will learn how to do it sooner or later.