Can't Take it With You?

As you could probably tell by the title of this post, money has definitely been my main focus as of late, and not because I have a large pot of gold sitting in my bedroom. Rather, I have moths in my pockets and .

Money, money, money. GOD DAMN do I hate that stuff. Yes, I realize that everyone needs it to survive, and that everyone who wants it has to usually do something they really don't enjoy in order to get it. This is just a fact of life, and will forever be the main necessity for every human surpassed only by their need for food... maybe. Afterall, you can't get food even without having some sort of money.

While I realize these few points as being factual, I also am fully aware that it is a fact that I am broke. Ok, so maybe not as broke as my scenerio above my lead you to believe, but pretty damn close. Where does my money go? Well, most of it goes to the government in the form of loan payments. Bradley University also has a small fraction of that chunk, and we most certainly cannot forget that money pit. And of course there are the other usual bills that everyone has, such as cellphone, gas, etc.

But a large portion of my paychecks simply trickle down my leg. That's right, I really piss away a lot of my extra cash flow doing things that I probably shouldn't be doing and drinking things that I most CERTAINLY should not be drinking. I don't really realize it at the time, but I suppose no one really catches themselves in the act of splurging. Well, maybe some people can... and we call them Jews.

But I think the worst part about not having money isn't the actual fact of knowing that you are broke, but moreso how it effects others around you. One would certianly think that the only person who would really get hurt in this situation would be he who is broke, but I argue that any friends, significant others, and anybody else who that person is associated with gets hurt the most.

Take my situation for an example: I know, or at least have good reason to assume that my friends have has it up to "here" with my continuous excuses of not being able to go out due to my lack of dinero. Well, for those of you reading, I can only say that it is true, which I am sure you probably have already figured out if you've read up until this point. It isn't because I don't want to hang out with anyone. It isn't because I'm mad or think I am too good for others. I just have no means to satisfy an evening out on the town doing that things that my friends like to do.

Additionally, I am pretty certain that my girlfriend wants to slap me sometimes for using the same excuse over and over again. Now, I am rather fortunate to have someone who cares enough about having me around doing something fun that she is willing to pay for me to do whatever with her. In a million years, I will never NOT appreciate this, because I know it is tough for her too. But dammit, I don't want to seem like a cheap boyfriend. If I have one big fear about any of this, it is coming off as that: a cheap ass. Quite honestly it frustrates the HELL out of me to not be able to treat her to things, or take her out to places, or to do whatever else any boyfriend is supposed to be able to do for his girlfriend. It makes me feel inadequate and useless. But, like I mentioned before, I SOMEHOW found the best girl in the world to have such a money issue with simply because she has been rather understanding of it. There are plenty of guys out there that have more money than I do, and I thank God every day that she actually likes me for me and that she isn't finding someone with a bigger checkbook.

I know that this is going to be the worst time in my life for anything financial. Hell, it certainly can't get any worse. So, I suppose I just have to ride it out for a bit longer while I get ready to start a career in a couple years, and hopefully a family.

I just have to hope for a break at some point. I'm fucking due.