The Theory of Woo

One of my favorite activities to do while driving in my Chariot of Love that is a 1992 Buick Century is listening to my radio as loud as I possibly can. My taste in music spans many genres, with an overall emphasis on Metallica and loud, screaming people, and I have had the opprotunity to experience many new artists (as well as old).

In doing so, I also have the habit of singing any song that I know at least two words in, and also try to sing it in the style that the original recording artist sang it. Believe me when I say that whenever I hear AC/DC or Jay-Z, I have to stop myself from singing in order to laugh hysterically. However, after many years of this little hobby that many Americans surely partake in, I have stumbled onto a concept that will undoubtedly change the course of car-radio-listening forever.

Newton has gravity, Darwin has evolution, and now I have the Theory of Woo.

That's right my friends, you read correctly. I have actually come up with a concept that cannot be disproven, and in fact is more solid in its fundamental properties than E = MC squared.

I present to you, my readers, the Theory of Woo:

-Any song, in any genre, from any time period can be more fully enhanced in both lyrical beauty and rhythmic integrity by simply placing a well-timed "WOO" within the song while singing it or listening to it.

And when I say "any song", I do mean any tune that you can think of.

So how does it work? Simple: find your favorite song, or the song that you hate the most for that matter, and listen to it a few times. After doing so, get the timing down in your head for any change in tempo, loudness, or meter that you can notice. Perhaps there is a distinct sound change between the verse and the chorus, or maybe there is a heavy pause between the intro and the verse... you get the idea. After finding this part in your song, right before you anticipate the change in sound to occur, say out loud in a Ric Flair or Puff Daddy manner the word that will forever change the way you listen to music: "WOO!"

I guarentee you that if done correctly, this technique will even work to Beethoven. So go out, throw a CD into a radio somewhere and try it out. Now.